Chapter 2

     "The results of the MMR show nothing," Dr. Sanders, the neurologist in Burlington Vermont told
Lizzy and Nicolas, as he entered the room, holding Nicolas's chart, "but I want to put him on a drug for 
the seizures, to keep them from occurring, or control
them at least.  It is called valproic acid."
      "So you have no idea what is causing this?," she
asked him.
     "Sometimes kids this age will grow out of this, but
I am going to send you to U.N.H. for more tests.  Janis
is setting up an appointment for next month."
     Nicolas sat quietly, until the doctor left the room.  "Mom, can we stop and get that game you promised, on
the way home?"
     "Let's just rent it for now, Nick.  I can't afford the full price for a video game right now, OK?  I promise,
by the time your birthday comes in August, we'll have 
some money.  Remember, my job starts tomorrow night, which reminds me," she pulls her cell phone out
of her purse, "I need to ask Charlie to stay with you".
     "I don't need him to stay with me".  
     "No, not with these seizures."
      "Pseudo seizures, Mom.  Remember?"
     "Oh right pseudo seizures".
     The ride back to the countryside near Vershire Center, Vermont, a farming community was gorgeous.
The trees were tall and lush in the June climate.  The 
highway wound up and down, as Lizzy's '89 Chevrolet
truck road a little bit loudly, with a loose muffler.  The 
windows were open, blowing Nick's hair and hers, and
as she promised, they stopped to rent a game, at a small
movie store, thirty miles from home.  The owners knew
them well. 
     After that, Lizzy ran into the 'Water Well,' a local
bar, where she was starting work the next day, to get her
schedule, leaving Nicolas in the car for a few minutes.
When she came back out, she ran fast to the truck.  He
was having another pseudo seizure. His eyes were rolling back.  She held his hands and tried to keep him calm.  It seemed to last forever.  He was frightened, and she felt unsure of how to handle it.  Time stood still in the worst way.  Finally, after it subsided, they sat for a long time.  She put her arm around him as they just sat
in the truck.  When she knew he was alright, she went back in, to get him some bottled water.  
     Jim, her new boss came out with her to see how Nick was.  "Hey Buddy", he patted Nick's shoulder.
"You okay?  Your Mom is worried about you."
     "I'm okay now," Nick answered, numbly, taking a sip of the water his mother gave him to drink.
     After the seizure subsided, they drove home.  Daniel
was sitting on the front doorstep, playing his guitar.  He 
put down his guitar, and squinting towards the sun, walked towards the truck as they drove up.  They had not expected him home from New York so soon.  
     "You're home, Daniel.  Help Nick to the house and get him settled in the guest room, so he doesn't have to 
walk upstairs.  He had one of his spells."
    "Come on."  He led Nick into the house.  Nick sipped his water from the deer creek bottle, his mother had got him from the bar.
     "Look, I rented an XBOX game, Danny, World Warcraft.  Want to play it with me? We can bring it downstairs, and set it up down here.  Why are you back?"
     "Had to get away from that crazy drama queen, Dana.  World Warcraft!  I've been wanting to play that."
     "She's creepy," Nick added.
     "No, she's just hard to get along with."  Daniel put his arm around Nick's shoulder, and they went inside.
"She's just a really negative person.  Drives me crazy."
     Lizzy, on her cell phone with Charlie, grabbed the 
few supplies she had bought in Burlington that day, like dog food and paper towels, and followed the boys
into the house.  Rusty, their black lab, ran out to greet 
her, tail wagging.  "No, he's okay now, Charlie, but Daniel is home, so I suppose he can take care of Nick,
unless he goes out with his friends.  I think you ought 
to come, anyway.  Okay, thanks.  I owe you.  Yeah, yeah.
Love you, too.  Bye."
     She put her cell phone in her purse, went in, and 
deposited the bags of supplies on the kitchen counter.
"What happened Danny?" she called to him.  The boys had already gone into the guest room, off the large living room.  The house was very old, making the rent
incredibly cheap.  The insulation was terrible in the winter, so everyone had to wear wool socks and heavy
sweaters inside all winter, even in the house.  Part of the
deal was she had to upkeep the property, which was two
acres, but the beauty of it made it well worth it.  The kids wanted a horse, but she knew that was unrealistic and expensive.  She could barely afford the dog.
"I thought you were going to be in New York State for 
a good while with Dana."
      "She's a total pothead, Mom.  She's too negative and such a bitch, always pissed at me."
     "Don't use that language, Daniel."  They were setting up the XBOX now.  
     "Mom, I want to go to the eye doctor and get a note to get my license.  I need to drive, so I can get a job or I
am going to have to move to the city." Daniel had retinitis pigmentosa, a hereditary eye disease that causes night blindness and tunnel vision, and often leads to total blindness. 
     "Okay, if they will give you one.  Are you sure you think you can -" She was standing in the doorway of the
guest room, where Nick sat on the bed, and Daniel fiddled around with wires, setting up the XBOX.
     "I can," shouted Daniel.  "I have to!  I can't waste away my life like this!  It's a nightmare!  You think I 
want to stay here in this nowhere land, with you pathetic people, for the rest of my life?  I just can't!  Why do we 
have to live out here, in the middle of nowhere?"
     "Well I do not have the money right now for the note, even if Medicaid will pay for the doctor visit.  You know I am starting work tomorrow.  Maybe you could
work at the 'Water Well' too, and ride with me.  I could talk to Jim, my new boss.  He's really nice, and -"
     "No, it is too dark there for me to work.  I'm going to
walk up to Mr. McKenna's farm tomorrow, and see if he
has work for me, so I can save up to go to Boston.  I'm 
applying for Berkley School of Music.  I may be able to
get a scholarship."  
     The thought crossed her mind that he would be close to her parents, who lived in Framingham.  For some reason, it was a threatening thought, but then she
realized, perhaps if she made up with them, and the boys were close to their wealthy grandparents, they might help Daniel go to school.  Why was she trying 
to do everything the hard way?  Because she did not
agree with the war in Iraq?  Because there were really
no weapons of mass destruction?  Because the economy 
was not so great for poor people under Bush, because 
all the money was going to the war?  Because they were
closed minded and prejudiced?  She snapped back to the moment.
     "That would be wonderful, Daniel.  I'm making spaghetti tonight, but right now I'm going upstairs to lie down.  I'm exhausted."
    "I fed Rusty," Daniel called back to her as she went up stairs.  She could tell by his tone, that he felt apologetic for shouting at her. 
    "Thanks, I'll be down in a little while to make supper," she called back, and went upstairs to rest, feeling physically and emotionally worn out.


Authors note: Although this is autobiographical in terms of being parallel in many ways to my life of raising kids alone, all the names and many (but not all) details have been changed.  Also this takes place in 2007 and the economy is worse now, because the war went on so long in Iraq, and then there was Afghanistan, so looking back it was economically better then.  And compared to the new Republicans, I liked Bush.  Still like me Lizzy is for Obama.  Unlike me, she has rich parents and both her parents still living.  My father died when my boys were nine and fifteen.  Also unlike me her parents are Republicans.  Mine were always die hard Democrats.  I just had to add a glimmer of hope to the story, to make it happier and less bleak.  Not that my life is bleak, raising kids is fulfilling and full of life and color, and I would not trade the experience with all its hardship for anything.  The geographical location is also different, taking place in New England, whereas I live in the South.  But, basically it is all based on my own life and experiences.  
     I would like to add that the mother, Lizzy, does have some conflict with her parents, the root of which is politics, her being a hippy, a free spirit.  I could not relate to her even though she represented me, which I talk about in a talk I gave on my facebook page, but then I realized listening to Rainy Night House by Joni Mitchell, which says, "you are a refugee from a wealthy family, you gave up all the golden factories to see who in the world you might be," that she had had to find herself one way or another, which took her in a different direction from her bourgeois New England background.  Although, her parents are a bit more aristocratic than bourgeois.  I suppose I differ here too, because my parents were bohemians trying to be bourgeois.  I guess my own parents seem to have been like the opposite of Lizzy, although I think my mother left her Jewish bourgeois background to be a bohemian, and my father left his aristocratic background to be a bohemian, and could not maintain that quality of life anyway, so in a way I deduct that Lizzy is a bit like my father.