The best feminist book is Women Who Run With the Wolves, a complete archetypal Jungian dissertation, which you can study and takes notes in, as well as reading as a group. Dr. Pinkola brings the traditions of medicine woman from South American tradition together with Jung, the shadow, and the fairy tales that have deeper meaning.
Another good feminist book is Loving Him Without Losing You. This PhD. writer talks about how women live so much in fantasy, and not really noting reality.
I think to call oneself a feminist is one thing, but truly living it and learning what it means is another. Many female authors are feminists as well, such as Elizabeth Berg, Joyce Carol Oates, and others.
It is hard for women today. We want to be in relationships with men, but often they do not work out, and not to harm anyone, we have to move on and take our power back just to survive. We do not want to lose ourselves.
I may be too far from a dreamer, but even though I have been married, had kids, and had long term relationships, part of me thinks no one has been in love with me. I really do not know. I know that I thought, at one time or another, that I was in love, myself, but I do not even know now if I really was.
Now I almost have an aversion to men. I get turned off by them really fast, and I cannot bare wasting time with anyone, knowing full well they are not for me, that I am not for them. It is not anything against men in general. I mean I have sons. I just get bad feelings sometimes about the men who approach me. It could just be jadedness or caution, but I have learned to ward off red flags, and I will not 'rush in,' ever, after the experiences I have had. Once you have had your life demolished and had to pick up the broken pieces of your finances, your kids, yourself, it gets harder and harder to want anyone, or to even say yes - ever. I am not wrong in this, but I am not saying it is good. It just is what it is.
At this point, I think I am just okay with me.
In the ecosystem, we have a food chain, and every species, insect, reptile, mammal, plant even, has a purpose, in it. Here in the south, we do not have a lot of snow, the southeast that is, but we have the brown recluse spider, and we have copperheads and water moccasins or cotton mouth snakes, but mostly in wooded areas, fresh water for the moccasins, woodpiles, old sheds, shoes left outside for the brown recluse, which has a flesh eating venom which is serious.
However, out on my front deck, out of the way of human traffic, there is a big spider web and a big spider on it, very cartoonish, so clear is it, under the light of the outdoor lighting.
I was worried, because of horror stories I heard about the brown recluse, and the flesh rotting away from its bite from the inside out, so I started doing research on spiders, to try to assess what to do, and what type of spider it was.
From my research, the brown recluse has un-spiraled or smooth, spineless legs, and it has a violin pattern on its head, and only six eyes, verses eight, however I cannot see well enough to see any of that, and who wants to get that close? Kind of dangerous. But, I did compare it to some pictures I found on line, and I was pretty sure it was not a brown recluse, because of the right out in the openness of its very distinct web. They say the brown recluse only builds small out of the way webs, and would not be hanging around like the spider in Charlotte's Web. My son likes this spider. It eats moths and mosquitos, and hopefully roaches, which I hate, and it is not bothering anyone. Still, I worry. I realize that most spiders cannot bite at all, so there is little to worry about. There are spiders that look similar to the brown recluse, such as the wolf spider and others, but I have not been able to see well enough to see exactly what spider type this is.
One spider which is also notorious for its poisonous bite, is the black widow, which contrary to myth, rarely really eats its mate, the female that is. Note I said 'rarely.' This spider is black with a distinct red marking on its back.
If you do not want a spider or it is in the way, and you do not want to murder it, in case it is not a menacing one, you can take a jar and a piece of crisp paper or cardboard to capture and place it elsewhere. However, this is not so easy for everyone, mainly me, because of my slight fear of spiders, and liking them from afar. I truthfully kill spiders I find indoors, to be on the safe side, just squash them, rather than dousing with bug spray to induce a slow and painful death. I would not even like doing that to a roach, at least not seeing it.
If you love spiders, and you have found a web like mine, a 'Charlotte's web' kind of web, you can feed your cute spider, by throwing small insects into the web, such as a beetle, an ant, a roach, a moth, hopefully dead.
Just to end, back to snakes, I once completely freaked out when a big corn snake went under my trailer. I had cats then, and I was trying to throw the recycling bin over it, to capture it, and the cats just sat and stared at it like wimps, because normally cats kill even the most poisonous snakes. I did not know at the time it was a nonpoisonous snake, and thought it was a coral snake or worse. The Mexicans across the street heard me screaming, but I do not know if they knew what I was screaming at, and I do not know the Spanish word for snake. They probably just thought I was having an emotional nervous breakdown, like my boyfriend left me or something, lol. I called a snake specialist, and he charged me fifty dollars for going under to find it, and all through. He never found it, but he showed me a picture of a snake that looked just as it had. I said, "yes, yes, that's it." It was a harmless corn snake. Still, I had a hole near my bed which was right above the place outside where it had gone under the mobile home, so you can see my concern.
I think that spiders are fascinating creatures, but beware of the brown recluse and the black widow.
We live in a world of materialistic values. I have had friends who were extremely materialistic. I still do. If I were to subscribe to their values, however, I would be screwed.
I admit that I would love to have a more beautiful house. I only had a beautiful house for two years, aside from the modest, but lovely home, I grew up in. Some people, however, like a friend of mine, only get to have a child for two years. My friend's child died. It is obvious what is more important.
Still, we weigh and value people by what they own, drive, live in. We even gage their intelligence on this, because had they been stupid, would they not have made choices as bad as mine? Truthfully, I have known people who were poor, but highly intelligent, so that is not the case. You cannot take your 'shit' with you when you die. It won't fit in your ivory coffin. So, realize that even if you want to keep up with the Jones's, it is not worth it. Do not compromise oneself for others' beliefs. If you are comfortable or not, remember that all the wealth in the world, cannot necessarily bring more than glamour. Perhaps, with Hollywood and everything else, glamour is what we are driven by. It is only lies we tell ourselves that make us unhappy.
I think I would miss the convenience and ethnic diversity of my neighborhood, as well as the true richness of life, if I were to move to a fancy dwelling. Happiness does not lie in the ivory towers of the mind.
