As my eyes worsen and worsen, I have outstanding memories of sight. One such memory is one of those 'American Boys,' if you will, memories, yes like my book.
We were outside in the moonlight, and now I am lucky to see the moon, cannot see stars at all ever, no matter how I try.
My son and his friends stood in the night, out in the front yard, in front of that boat we used to have, that his dad gave him.
They looked like a rock band, and they were, or he was... But, they stood in their youth, ruggedness, serious becoming men stance. I'll never forget the image as long as I live.
It is like the memory of your child's face, sad and forlorn, the memory of your mother smiling at you, as you walked in the door, not knowing, her not knowing.
It is like the memory of your cat, when he lifted his head for the last time. It is like the time when I met my husband, and we drank a beer and smoked a cigarette at some apartment somewhere.
It is like all the things I block from my mind, and all the things I cling to. My life is a journey and the blindness just another part of it. Perhaps in this darkness, I am losing nothing, and yet I think I am.
I think about the dog I had, the time I road horses, a day at the beach, the time we climbed Mount Washington.
And, again the night they stood outside, under the moon, in front of the boat. I see it there in black and white.
If I agree with Deepak Chopra on anything, and yes we do agree on a lot, just not medicine, it is his views on child rearing. The more positive reinforcement we give a child, the better, ex: don't say no, say how? and other good ideas.
When we say that the issues are in the tissues, which I got from Chopra, what that means is that the experiences of childhood linger and build the nerve synapses, which even in adulthood, are the culprit for low self esteem, depression, waiting for the other shoe to drop, etc..
When we are children we receive messages from adults, and it is not all our parents. It can be a teacher at school. Many people complain about the political correctness of today, but the political correctness, when it comes to kids, is correct, and that is why this is the new humanity blog. Putting down, ridicule, belittling, and more, do not belong in a civilized society any more than guns, rape or any other violence. Words can be as cruel, if not more so, than any slap in the face.
When I was in junior high, middle school they call it now, a tender thirteen year old, in formative years and puberty, only having begun menses a year before, I had a home economics teacher who liked to put me down in front of the class. I am not exaggerating. I am by no means stupid, and yes I did chores at home, but she would constantly say, in front of the other girls, that I did not know how to sweep the floor. I dreaded her telling me to, because I knew she would sit there all smug, and criticize, in front of the other girls. I showed my family and friends how I sweep at home, when at home, to see what I was doing wrong. No one could see anything wrong with the way I used a broom.
Okay, but it gets worse. I am in English class, and two girls say to me, "Mrs. Rabon showed everyone how you sewed the pocket shut on your apron. She said to everyone that it was you, and everyone laughed."
I yelled at the two girls, "that's not right! That is not funny!"
I applaud myself now for saying the truth, but the sad part is that as we become adults, as small as you might think this is, and believe me, this is not at all the worst of my childhood, by any means, the things that make us feel 'less than' are ingrained in our nerve synapses and transferred to the brain as feelings of being inferior, 'less than,' and ultimately we are stuck with low self esteem, all through adulthood, relationships, marriage, college, motherhood, work, career, everything, and not all in that order, and this sense of being unworthy and less than is like a great burden.
So, you might ask me now, what do we do? Well, we can get therapy or work on strengthening ourselves now, but what can we do about this not happening to our own children? We need to get teachers like Mrs. Rabon out of the school system. Teachers like her should be fired. This is a form of mental and emotional child abuse, and very serious. This type of abusive, immature behavior, on the part of a teacher, belittling and putting down a child of thirteen in front of her peers, whether she is present or absent, is not acceptable. As Dr. Phil would say, "this is completely unacceptable." A grown woman should know better.
Just remember all the times in your adult life, you felt stupid or ugly or less than, the chances are great, that someone like a teacher, who you may have even looked up to, as I did Mrs. Rabon, will be what tears you down.
In the new humanity, in a new society, we do not have room for this. There is a Whitney Houston song, The Greatest Love of All, and it says, 'I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside, give them a sense of pride, to make it easier, let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be...' Do not stifle the children. I was a teacher, and I know they do not have it easier at home either. Let school be a wonderful place, full of joy and praise and love. That is my advice as a teacher. Yes, discipline has a place, too, but not ridicule, contempt, and mean spirited cruelty. A child is precious, and so beautiful, too delicate for a world of meanness and thoughtlessness.
I can see why Ann Rice became a Christian, having written, Interview With a Vampire and Queen of the Damned. It takes courage to write horror, with all the superstitions of religion.
Having had nightmares of a presence that was not welcome, finding myself awakening to my own voice, calling "Mother Theresa," I think there is something strange out there.
If there is a higher power, there could be a lower power, or someone told me that once. I think we have all felt a presence once or twice that was not welcome. Meher Baba followers may call out his name. Christians may say, "Satan I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ," and the new age like me, do Reiki and surround themselves with white light or burn sage like the Cherokees. I have done all of these.
Tarot cards are not evil, and the death card does not mean death. I do not do tarot readings, but have had them read for me a few times.
In many of the horror short stories, the devil is attractive, foreign, even sexy, and sometimes even a romance.
In Stephen King's The Stand, of which I read the uncut, forty something hour version, I thought it ironic that the devil was a guy named, Randal Flag, such an ordinary name. The bad guy always has no lines in his palms, in King's books.
I always thought the rape of Nadine by Randal Flag to be grotesque, and wondered curiously why she screamed so when she saw his male part. Even the uncut book, unedited, would not say so.
Did anyone read Needful Things by Stephen KIng? There is a car theme in his books as well, and like Poe, he wrote drunk, such as Cujo, in fact in a black out, although King is sober now. That one is waiting in my stack of talking books for the blind, to knock it out once more.
I realize now that Stephen King's Pet Cemetery, was influenced by 'The Monkey's Paw,' the 1902 short story by W.W. Jabobs.
Although King's books are turned into terrible B movies sometimes, he is a great writer. I loved the book Pet Cemetery. It was truly a story about grief.
In this novel by King, the father is trying to bring his dead son back, his little boy who got run over by a truck on the highway. In 'The Monkey's Paw,' in which the monkey's paw is a magical charm, his wife wishes their dead mutilated son back to life, but he has one remaining whish left, just in time, as his wife is unlatching the door to God knows what.
After just finishing another H.P. Lovecraft Story, I am reading an Edgar Allen Poe story, called 'The Black Cat.'
I was inspired to write my book by my children, their lives, their hardships and struggles, my own struggles, and my children's friends as well.
I think many people, especially those who either have money or do not have children, miss a lot of what the world is about.
My novel incorporates bits of my life, my children's life, the war in Iraq, friends of my children and their lives, and the problems of American society, class wars, the working class lifestyle, which we lived in, and still do, as compared to a life of privilege.
My entire novel is published on my new humanity blog, starting in January of 2012, and the epilogue written in May of '13. So, it took about a year and a half to write. The characters, for the most part, are based on true people, but not in any exactness, but similar.
I hope one day this will be a classic, a block buster. I think it is a very powerful book, and more honest than most, based on lives that have witnessed the real world, not hidden from the real world.
I think the best restaurant in town is Midtown Bistro. My brother in law took us there for dinner after my mother's successful eye surgery.
The food and service were fabulous. The medium rare tuna is to die for. The coffee is excellent, the cheesecake, heaven, and the piano entertainment adds a great ambiance.
I had had lunch there a few years ago with Alan and his friend Danny who took us there, and enjoyed it then too.
It is dark in there, but even though it takes a long time for my eyes to adjust, it is very restful on the eyes. I really enjoyed it. Best place in town.
Hans Fallada's books were banned by Hitler. Little Man--What Now?, although written pre-WWII, 1932, is not an anti-Semitic book. There is possibly one line in the entire book, which may be construed that way.*
However, according to Random House Publishing, a Jewish film maker made it into a movie in Hollywood. At this point and due to this, Hitler banned Fallada's books.
When ordered to write an anti-Semitic book, he had a break down, turned to alcohol and drugs, and ended up in an asylum for the criminally insane, and I believe that is where he died.
I am not saying that he was any kind of hero, but as a writer, an artist, I think he was a deep soul, unable to follow the rules of cruelty and hatred. That is just my opinion.
*After reading the book myself, I have to say that it is anti-Semitic in my own opinion, and there is more than one line that is blatantly so. Perhaps, and being a Course in Miracles student, I dislike judgment, but he may have gone crazy, not only because of his books being banned, and not wanting to be ordered by Hitler to write a truly anti-Semitic book, he may have felt guilty for having written an anti-Semitic book just prior to all that happened to the Jews, but I may be inventing my own scenario, so never mind. My mind has a way of trying to analyze what makes others tick, even when I do not know them. But, truthfully, I am not going to spend any more time pondering this.
I am reading a very important book, fiction, but a big party of history, translated from German, Little Man--What Now? by Hans Fallada.
I thought I was never going to get through the seventy-eight hour talking book, The Weird, an anthology of strange and dark stories by authors from H.P. Lovecraft to Stephen King to Joyce Carol Oates. It began with authors from the early 1900's and ended with the most modern, around 2005.
They were stories like 'The Man in the Black Suit' by Stephen King. Indeed, they were a bit dark, and some downright sick, to say the truth, but mostly entertaining.
The authors were from around the world, including Tagore, the famous Indian author. They were translated into English from the languages written in.
It was compiled and edited, and I cannot remember their name, but you could google it. The thing is, you need a lot of patience to get through the entire book.
I think I like dark books sometimes, because life is difficult anyway, and authors of horror and supernatural things, usually also have a dark humor, a sense of humor that not everyone can appreciate, but I can definitely, which is why I like King's writing so much. I read his humor between the lines.
As a reiki master, I have mixed feelings about the holistic health movement, which has actually been going on for about thirty-five years, so not anything new.
1} People cannot afford to pay for alternative health modalities if they are poor, because public health care programs do not pay for it. Medicare pays for chiropractic, but not Medicaid, usually, and that is about it. 2} Sometimes people really need antibiotics or chemo-therapy. It is not always the answer.
For these reasons, I could not finish Deepak Chopra's book, Reinventing the Body. With all due respect to Dr. Chopra, I felt it was a bit elitist to say that people who do not use alternative health measures, are not enlightened. I put it back in the box, and I returned it to the library for the blind, where I ordered it from. I like many of his other books, of course.
Reiki is amazing in its power when you are a true healer. Herbs are also incredible in their healing power, but these are not always available to everyone. Also, neither reiki nor herbs, alone, can treat every ailment and disease. Reiki can always help at some point, either hands on or long distance, but it cannot set a bone or cure cancer, on its own. Even a holistic doctor told me to 'go to the doctor to get antibiotics' for a kidney infection, before ending up in the hospital, she said, 'on intravenous antibiotics.'
I feel that my ordeal with BI-LO will make a difference for someone in this world, hopefully. It is ironic though, that I am not banned from one bar on earth, or any place for that matter, except the only stupid grocery store I can get to, BI-LO. They are f-ing Nazis. They remind me of the gestapo. I feel like a Jew in Nazi Germany. I am half Jewish, you know. I am also half gentile German and wasp, but who cares?
Things will change. You will see. The whole civil rights movement, and affirmative action began, because a woman named, Rosa Parks decided one day, not to go to the back of the bus.
I decided one day that I was not going to be treated like crap at the grocery store any longer, like being accused I was trying to steal their stupid shopping basket, not helping me. I'm sorry, but fuck them. They are assholes. I had no intention of doing anything of the kind. I do not break laws or take thing which do not belong to me!
I am going to take this to the supreme court if I have to. They treated me like trash, because I am blind. I have researched it, and what they did to me was illegal, but no one in law enforcement around here, is aware enough to know the facts. I broke no laws. I repeat, I broke no laws, but they have. They are violating my civil rights, and they will go down for it. I promise, whether you like it or not, or whether you believe me or not. It is called karma. They already made their karma.
Another way I want to make a difference is this: many people think they are worth nothing, because of how they were brought up, how they were not validated. We no longer need parental validation. We can parent ourselves. We have parented our own kids correctly, while our parents did not the same for us. A child cannot develop a healthy attitude towards him or herself, with parents that do not really take any action on their behalf, who allow their kids to be abused. The kids get sick and they never get closure on anything.
If your kid gets hit or abused by a neighbor, or bullied at school, or on the bus, or sexually abused, take action, press charges, but do not let your kid go through that kind of shit on their own. They cannot handle it.
Take action against crimes against your kids, and if you know someone who won't, then do something about it. When a child is left to feel alone, the anger, rage and hurt are never going to leave, and there will never, ever be closure for him or her, ever.
