When I was twelve years old, I went to India with my mother. My parents were followers of Meher Baba. For the record, I was like any kid, a believer in what my parents believed, but not anymore. I am a grown up.
We stayed at a place called Velu Villa, and not many people went to India in those days. We spent time with people who knew Meher Baba and lived with him. These people were known as the mandali including Mehera, a lovely women who was closest to him, Eruch his interpreter, a very nice man, Dr. Gohair, also very sweet and others. We spent much time with Mehera, and I sang and played guitar for her. She called me lovely Leslie. I sang her a song that I had learned, that some woman had written for her when my dad had been there in 1970 during Christmas and her birthday.
I sat listening to my mother converse with Eruch. He had been the interpreter for Meher Baba, who had chosen to be silent. He is by the way, not the only silent master. Some Indian masters such as Baba Hari Daas remained silent longer than Meher Baba by far.
In the end, if there is a God, then God alone is God. To me there is no evidence or sign or even indication that Meher Baba could be anything but a fraud.
I feel that in Never Let Me Go, Japanese born British author Kazuo Ishiguro has written a literarily perfect novel. It is in the category of science fiction. It has also been made into a movie, which I have not seen. I never heard of this book until it was sent to me by the library of congress for the blind, or state library for the blind.
At first I almost gave up on this book, because I did not know what it was about (my books come automatically based on my preferences in authors and genres). However, I researched the book, and then I understood. In fact, I was totally understanding at this point and very intrigued. I do not want to totally spoil the plot, in case you want to read this book, and I do not usually like science fiction or phantasy, but this book really caught my attention. It was read by a reader with an English accent, which was appropriate, considering it takes place in England, mostly the rural countryside, which I personally have never been to, but long to go to go to. (I have only been to London, but have karma with Scotland, at least considering my relationship with Alan, who died, and my ancestry.)
The main characters are Kathy, Tommy, and Ruth. The book skips around in time a bit. It starts out in a school called Hailsham in the English countryside. Well, actually, that being the nineties when they were in there teens, like thirteen, it actually begins in the present 2000's when Kathy is a carer. It keeps talking about doners, and this is the spooky part.
Kathy and Tommy are very close. So are Kathy and Ruth, but they have some turmoil in their relationship off and on. The school encourages creativity, and the reason is a mystery. In fact, everything is kind of mysterious in a way. However, the reason for this is explained, and the reader becomes aware of the plot, bit by bit.
After being at Hailsham, they are sent, among others, who are not from Hailsham, but are in the same situation, to a place called 'the cottages.' The cottages are cold and are not as nice as Hailsham, but they are communal with these other young people, who are called veterans.
I would also like to mention that the reason it is called 'Never Let Me Go,' is because of a song by Judy Bridgewater that Kathy listens to when she is a child, that Madame sees her dancing to, pretending to hold a baby. The tape disappears, but Tommy finds it again years later in a little antique store with Kathy, on one of the group's many road trips. Madame had sobbed, seeing Kathy dancing to the song long ago. The meaning comes up fully in the story, and I think it is a nice twist or detail.
Much more happens from there, and we eventually come back to the present day, but I will not tell any more, because that would give away the story. I will say, however, why I think this book is really powerful. The plot is somewhat inhumane in a completely civilized way. You may have to think a bit to understand what I mean by that, but on the other hand you may understand immediately. I tend to assume that everyone understands at times. I think the world is very sick and corrupt, and even the most supposedly spiritual or wonderful arenas are full of terrible travesties. While this book and its questions it poses without saying, of ethics, is really deep, I get it. I really do. Many situations in this world are wrong and unethical, and yet we go along with them. Sometimes you wonder why that must be or why it is. Just look at the Nazi Holocaust. It also happens on a small scale, very small and in the most sanctimonious communities, part of why I left the whole Meher Baba scene. There was too much evil going on, especially around the Meher Center here in South Carolina.
I hope you will find some time to read this great author's work. If you do not trust my review, then just check it out on google, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or any other book review material that you may prefer. If anything, I have to say that it is a dark tale, no doubt, but unless you are living in an alternate universe, this world is dark. And, when you have a life with some darkness, you know how to see the light between the cracks. This book is not for the faint hearted or those with a charmed life, but anyone in their right mind would find his writing brilliant. I found it utterly beautiful to be honest.
If you are anything like me, you may have grown up and gone through your young adulthood thinking you had to always be a really good and moral person. Of course, it is good to be a good and moral person, but excessively trying to be a 'good' person is not always healthy in the long run. One might have a lack of boundaries due to wanting to please and thinking one had to always be nice.
Some people innately have a positive self worth where with they can maneuver through life without any neurosis, or not too much anyway. Some people are unafraid, and some are very afraid. Fear is everything love is not, but I would say that I was one of those 'afraid' people. I guess it took alcohol to make me unafraid, what some call liquid courage, and I never even discovered that side of alcohol until I was in my forties.
When you have been oppressed by people, such as romantic partners, you can become so distant from who you are, that you do not even know yourself at all anymore. That was how I was, like a stranger to myself, no tools for coping, no understanding of what Jung talked about, 'the shadow.'
When I realized that I was not this perfect woman I wanted to be, I fell apart. I was so far from good, and this was before I even learned that alcohol could make me feel incredibly brave and free.
I had been a soccer mom, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect housekeeper, and party maker with the perfect image, but it all fell apart, and nothing went right. It all fell apart. I could not hang on to my husband, my house, my stature, not even my job in the end. I landed up with the wrong man after my divorce, and it was like a domino effect of bad events.
Still, I kept my composure and dealt with my father's sickness and death, my loss of my second partner, and more, not knowing that so many more trials were yet to come.
I will spare the reader the details, but at one point all I did was make one bad decision after another. I am surprised I did not completely destroy myself and my life. The hardest part was that if I had accepted my whole self and not just parts, I would have been okay. If I had respected myself, I would have not felt so guilty for not being perfect. I could have been honest with others and with myself, without being afraid. I was afraid of my Jungian shadow most of all I think.
I realize that the term is abstract unless one has studied his philosophy of psychology. No one can be perfect, all good, and to think that is possible is only a road to pain. Accepting oneself totally is the only way to proceed.
I dreamed you came back to me, back from somewhere,
Appeared from the other side,
Your hair still light, your feet were bare,
Your clothes were white, and it seemed you could almost glide.
You said, "I watch over the ocean and the shore," your job to watch o'er,
You said you owned no possessions, your clothing only that you wore.
I followed you, asking if you saw Jesus, if you found God there, answers of truth found somewhere,
Never when you were here did you believe,
Aimlessly I tried to find you again to know if you changed the things you perceive.
All I know is you came back from the other side, that you watch over the tide,
That there is no death,
Just another place beyond our very breath.
And now I long for you, your fair face and white clothing, your feet bare on the sand,
Now you have gone back there, and slipped through my hand, back to the other side.
This is very interesting. I learned this by reading
Further Along the Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. Whether you are a fan of his or not, this is interesting and spiritual.
In the thirties, when Alcoholics Anonymous came to be, a guy was seeing Jung for psychoanalysis. At that time there was no treatment for alcoholism, nothing really effective besides incarceration, institutionalization or death. However, Jung told this man who was a hopeless alcoholic that one way some had recovered was through a religious conversion. So, this man searched for religion.
A few months later he converted to a religion and stopped drinking. He then went to see a man named Ebby. Ebby offered him a drink. He said, "I no longer drink. I found religion."
Ebby was like, "what? But, you are a hopeless alcoholic." So, he told Ebby about what Jung had said.
Then Ebby found religion and got sober as well. He then went to see Bill Wilson, commonly known as Bill W., one of the founders of AA. Bill W. offered Ebby a drink. Ebby said, "I no longer drink. I had a religious conversion."
Bill W. ended up doing the same, and he began a group called Alcoholics Anonymous, where men and women, mostly men back then, because women probably were more ashamed due to the latency of the suffrage movement, only just beginning slightly I guess, could get together and talk about alcoholism and recovery in an anonymous, safe environment. Of course, coffee and cigarettes were prevalent, and still are except that people no longer smoke indoors. The important thing was the program, the camaraderie, the fellowship, and the place to share, as well as the sponsorship and the steps. Of course, it has never been based on any creed, religion or sect, but there is a focus on God or a higher power.
The idea of AA is that only a power greater than oneself could restore one to sanity. That is actually step two after admitting oneself to be powerless over alcohol, which is the first step. I hope some of you found this as interesting as I did. We all have dysfunctions, whether or not alcoholics or addicts. I believe we all need a program, steps one through twelve and a counselor or sponsor of some sort. We all can use some fellowship and guidance from time to time, no matter how smart, spiritual or independent.
