Chapter 10 The Funeral

     The day of Adrien's military funeral, was
surreal.  Adrien's parents sat in front, with his sister, Christen.  The American flag was draped over the casket.  Adrien had died in active duty, trying to save Iraqi civilians and his fellow privates, when a bomb had exploded in Bhagdad.  Only one soldier had survived with injuries, and two of five civilians.  The U.S. Military had come to Vermont to give the funeral.
      Lizzy and her sons were farther back.  Jim had brought them.  She had been too shaky to drive.  She spotted Adrien's girlfriend, Suzanne, crying in a navy blue dress and coat, across the isle.  Had she been closer, Lizzy would have consoled her, or at least tried to, but Suzanne's friends were around her, holding her hand, and whispering in her ear, soft words of assurance.  Lizzy would wait until the wake, to then give Adrien's parents and sister her condolences, although she had sent them a card and called Jill, prior to the funeral, of course.
     The American flag was presented to Jill Peterson, Adrien's mother.  The seven men, firing rifles, shot three times in the air, in a twenty-one shot salute.  
     That was after the Presbyterian minister had given a sermon, in which he recited the Twenty-third Psalm.  "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want...He leadeth me to lie down in green pastors, and ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for the Lord is thy rod and thy staff..."  He succeeded with a beautiful sermon about soldiers and serving one's country.
     Some of the soldiers present, who had known Adrien, spoke about him, and there was a huge picture of him in full uniform, strewn with flowers.  Daniel had thought about asking to say something, but had felt too overwhelmed, and thought it might not be appropriate, at a military funeral.  Lizzy noticed that Daniel wiped his eyes several times, to cover up the tears, which kept coming.  Jim squeezed Lizzy's hand, noticing her notice Daniel.  Amazing Grace was played on the bagpipe, after which a lady sang Precious Lord, Take My Hand, by Tommy Dorsey, which she sang without accompaniment.
     As previously planned, Daniel was to come forward, as he did, and played on his guitar, which was already set up, and amplified, an acoustic version of Adrien's favorite song, Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, and sang it very sweetly as well. It was very beautiful, although slightly unconventional.  Daniel was very inventive, in his musical arrangements, and he sang beautifully as well.  Many people were crying, especially Adrien's mother, Jill.  She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.  Her husband, Tom, held her hand, and looked solemn and stoic. They so wished Adrien were there, so very much.  Missing him was agony for everyone who loved him. Christen cried much, as well as Suzanne, still comforted by her friends.
     Then he accompanied a girl named Tammy, who had been a friend of Adrien's and Suzanne's, on The Promise, by Tracey Chapman, a favorite of Adrien's and Suzanne's, both, although it made Suzanne cry all the more.  Others cried as well, including Lizzy.  Afterwards, he sat back down, where his family was seated, and where he had been previously seated.  
     There were more words, The Lord's Prayer, and finally the last words, "ashes to ashes, dust to dust...", said by the minister. 
     It was cold.  Lizzy had worn a long, black wool cardigan over her black dress, and a navy blue alpaca scarf about her throat.  She had put her hair in a low bun, rather than her usual ponytail, in order to look more severe and formal.  The boys were wearing black suits, which they had purchased with Lizzy and Jim, for the funeral, as well as their light, dress overcoats, which were saved for special occasions in the fall and spring.
     It was now November fifth, and Barack Obama had won the election.  Lizzy had voted for him, and he would be inaugurated in January.  She was angry at the current administration, for what had happened to Adrien.  He was a hero, but only eighteen years old, like Daniel.  He was too young to drink alcohol, but not too young to die a hero.  How ironic it was, she thought.
     She knew that Tom and Jill Peterson were Republicans, but they were so distraught that politics mattered insignificantly.  What did it matter who was president when your son just died?  It was a war that was based on a lie, and yet we had to pretend and be strong.  Why?  Why did Adrien go to the army?  Even Daniel, who had been supportive, thought that, with his good grades in high school, that Adrien would have chosen college, but the Petersons were a military family, and it was just in their making, but Lizzy could not help, but feel that Adrien had felt as much without options, as her own sons, even with his parents still together.  Tom was a very controlling husband and father.  He had been a peace time general, who had gotten an early medical retirement, due to a serious leg injury.  Lizzy and Jill had drifted apart since school, because perhaps, Lizzy had envied the fact that Jill did not work, but stayed home, and did pretty much what she wanted, but maybe not, and Lizzy was filled with shame, for ever feeling anything like this towards Jill, who was suddenly so tragic.
     After the funeral procession, Jim, Lizzy and the boys all took turns, laying down a rose, upon Adrien's coffin, before it was lowered into the ground.  They stood solemnly, around Adrien's grave, as the dark clouds loomed in the sky, as if to say something, but what?  Jill Peterson held on to her husband, Tom, as if for support, as if she would fall, if not for his strength.  Their daughter, Christen and Adrien's girlfriend, Suzanne, stood near them, tearfully.  
     The Whites and Lizzy's boyfriend, Jim, also brought a huge bouquet of roses, to the Peterson home, that afternoon.  The sky had grown gray.  The days were ending early now.  A light rain had begun, near the end of Adrien's funeral, like some ominous sign.  Daniel felt as if his heart would break.  Nicolas had trouble showing emotion, but he was very pensive.
     Much drinking was going on at the Petersons' that day.  Jim did not know that Lizzy was having a drinking problem, since Adrien's death, but she was not going to be able to hide it for long, and she dreaded this.  Jim drank, himself, but it had never been an issue.  It was not usually an issue for Lizzy either, but lately she had been out of sorts, confused, and deeply depressed.  Even Jim, could not fully comfort her, during this time. 
She just kept feeling like, it could have been Daniel, and why Adrien?  She thought of all the years that Adrien and Daniel had been best friends, and how Adrien had spent so much time in their home, since he was just a toddler, and Daniel had spent so much time at Adrien's.  She thought of all the plans, that Daniel and Adrien once dreamed about, like traveling through Europe, Asia and maybe even someday, South America.  She never thought Adrien would have ended up in Iraq.  His decision had come so suddenly, but perhaps Tom, Adrien's father had influenced him, and must regret it somehow, now.  She wondered, but would never know, and hoped that he did not feel responsible, but proud.  He certainly had reason to be proud of Adrien, a real hero!
     At the wake, Suzanne and Christen, Adrien's sister, had their arms around one another.  Both were crying.  Tom greeted them with a drink in his hand.  As a retired general, he was in uniform.  "Come in.  Jill is resting upstairs."
     There were many armed service men there, as well as some women, and the living room and dining room foyer were crowded.  Daniel and Nicolas were feeling shy, their eyes slightly downcast.  "Thank you guys so much for coming," Tom said to the boys, warmly touching their shoulders in a squeeze.  
     "I am really sorry," Daniel said.  His eyes were becoming teary.  
    "Come on guys.  Come get some food," Tom replied.  
     No one had noticed, but after hugging the two girls, Lizzy had headed for the drinks, and was already drinking a glass of white wine.  Jim saw her but did not say anything, just came over, and put his arm protectively around her.  He was not going to judge her, whether she was having a problem with alcohol or not.  He could not.  He loved her.
She thought of Jill, who never made an appearance, while they were there, and thought of going up to check on her, but she did not want to cross any boundaries.  Perhaps, being alone was best for Jill, and her only way of dealing with Adrien's dying, right now.  Lizzy vowed to herself that she would visit Jill when things calmed down, if they ever calmed down.  She did not see how.
     Tom seemed to be drinking a lot, but was conducting himself in a stoic, military manner.  He stepped outside for a few minutes at one point, but soon was back inside, talking with everyone.
     Daniel and Nicolas solemnly ate small sandwiches and chicken wings from paper plates, and drank soda from paper cups.  They ate in silence.  The military had sent a crew to help around the house, with cooking, and bringing food, cleaning and setting up for the wake, as well as arranging the entire funeral.  They were very good about supporting military families, and such was the protocol, whether a soldier was wounded or in Adrien's case, deceased. 
     Finally, the boys, Lizzy and Jim said goodbye to Tom, as well as Christen and Suzanne, telling Tom to "please give Jill our love."  They gathered their coats from the downstairs guestroom, and went home slowly driving in the cold, dismal rainy evening, that was growing dark, and the rain was turning to tiny snow flakes, which fell on the windshield, slowly wiped away.  No one talked, but Jim reached for Lizzy's hand now and then.  He saw that she was crying.
     Daniel and Nicolas were silent.  Daniel cried, as they drove.  He thought about Bethany, and wondered if he should call her, wondered if the guys in Durham had told her.  He was not ready to talk to anyone.  He would be heading back to Berkeley School of Music soon, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. 
He thought he would stay a little longer, because Mom seemed stressed and sad.  He felt he should stay and help out with Nicolas for a few days, at least.  She just was not herself right now, not her usual strong, upbeat self.  She might need him around for a few days.