If you ever joined a twelve step program, or even saw a really good counselor for any reason, at any time, you know that you need to clean up your own side of the street, make amends when needed, look at your part, but do not have great expectations for anyone, ever.
Life is difficult. People are not as nice as we wish they were, and when they are, you are amazed sometimes, because most people are full of themselves and selfish.
People ask you about bad things that happened to you, out of curiosity, or to gossip, but do not offer help, only judgment, and a sense that they are better than you are, and would never be in your situation, because they feel they either have better karma, deserve better than you, or they assume you are to blame, without even giving you a fair chance.
People also show you exactly where you stand with them, and although some people are the salt of the earth, some are fair weather friends, who are only around when things are good.
When you have a disability, like bad eyes, people are condescending, pity you, and no one wants that. If you do not have a lot of money, or are having any financial difficulty, and do not want a hand out, people still treat you like you are less than.
I realize that I am not perfect, and I take responsibility for all I do and say wrong, but I still clean house from time to time. I do not want people in my life, who look down on me, are never there for me, or just pay lip service. I have no need in my life for people who are full of themselves. Being confident and loving oneself is one thing, but thinking the world revolves around you is another.
The Course in Miracles has taught me that I am no one special, but still I do not have to be a doormat, and I have no obligation to be nice to people, who treat me badly. I can forgive them, forgive myself, but I do not need them in my life. I am better off without people, who do not love, and are disingenuous.
I have had a really hard week. Something awful happened to me last Monday, and then something awful happened to me Thursday. I know who my friends are in this town, by who actually helped me, and who just paid lip service, and acted like it was my own fault.
It is freeing to not have toxic people around me. It is always freeing not to have toxicity around you. Again, it is good to forgive, turn the other cheek, forget about it, and move on. It is a far from perfect world, but cleaning up one's own side of the street and not being a doormat is a beginning.
Take action where you can, and where you cannot, then retreat, and trust God, and the universe. A wonderful, spiritual woman, who really loved me, and who I really loved, a few years back, passed away. Her name was Alice, and she died of lung cancer. She was one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever known. The last time I saw her, I went to hear her speak. I had just started going to the Commission for the Blind, and I was home for the weekend. The very last thing she asked me, or said to me, for that matter, was "are you trusting God?" I have a picture of myself with her, taken by my friend Kathleen, but it is not on Facebook, but in one of my scrapbooks. Namaste.
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