Step Ten; Continued to Take a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory... and When We Were Wrong...

    I realize that some of my blogs sound as if I am looking at others, and judging their faults, but truthfully, I look at my own.  I know that I am a very flawed person.  I'm shy, but when I get drawn out of my shell, I can't shut up.  I'm a smart ass at times, flippant, hurt my friends sometimes, their feelings, lash out, etc..  So, I know that I have many character defects and shortcomings.
     I have done a fourth and fifth step, with a sponsor, in a twelve step program, also six and seven, as well as nine, making amends.  The thing is about step ten, we are always continuing to make mistakes and hurt people, if we are human, so one has to continue to take a searching and fearless moral inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.  It is hard sometimes, to admit being wrong, to be humble enough to say, "I'm sorry."  It is not easy to practice page eighty-six of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, looking back over the day, and see where we were lacking in doing right, where we might have hurt someone, and then in the morning, pray for strength to do the right thing, the next right thing.
     I am no longer in a twelve step program, and truthfully, I did have a drinking problem, and then I was sober a long time, and then it got better, when I started drinking again.  So, it is a non issue, now.  I think I am a person, who goes through many phases, and never really stops evolving.
     Anyway, I just hate my own behavior at times.  I do not like it when I am selfish or jealous, angry or mean.  I do not like to be vindictive and unforgiving, wanting revenge, just kidding, lol.  
     I really just want to be humble, a good person, with a good attitude, do my best and hurt nobody.  That is what I want.
     I learned a lot in AA, I will say.  The thing is, when you leave, they don't really want you back, so it is almost impossible to be in the program, once you leave it.
     Still, as I said, I learned a lot, while there.  When I did my fourth step, searching and fearless moral inventory, from listing my resentments, cause and effect, and my own part, every single time, except in rare instances, it is selfishness, inconsideration, and self-seeking, almost every time, when it comes to step five, and you admit to yourself, God and another human being the nature of your own wrongs.
     So, if I ever hurt anyone, it really is not what I wanted to do, ever.  Namaste.