Better Happy than Right; a Learning Experience, but Painful

     This past week, I royally screwed up as a human being, because 1) I was out of sorts emotionally and lost my way, 2) I wanted to be right, rather than happy, at the cost of people I love, and 3) I was in judgment and fear, rather than love and the Holy Spirit thought system.  This all got me into a huge mess.
     The culprits in my case, were anxiety, fear, being ego based, accepting the insanity of my own ego traps, rather than accepting others with love and a generous, kind spirit, free of resentment and most of all expectations.
     So, when I realized how much I had made a mess of things, and still I have to accept this now, because what is done is done, and blaming myself now, will not change anything, even though I know I had a full part in it, and was not mindful enough in my communication and interaction with people I care about, and I hope maybe they read this blog, but they might have other things to do. I realize it is not all about me.  That is where selfishness and self-centeredness comes in. 
     Even if anything I felt was true, it did not make it alright for me to not be mature and grounded about the situation.  I realize no one is perfect, but I think this is a good example of attacking my brother or sister, as the Course in Miracles talks about.  By doing this, I attack myself.  'In my defenselessness, my safety lies': A Course in Miracles.  
     Perhaps, I am crying for love, fear of abandonment and jealousy, as well as confusion, because I jumped to conclusions, which were defensive and judgmental, and wanted to be 'special' as the course also talks about.
     I hope the whole thing will be alright.  I guess it will have to be, and I hope no relationships are permanently damaged on any front.
     I still feel bad about all this, and I do not know how to correct it, except to do better next time, not make assumptions.  
     Anyway, happy solstice and happy spring.