Women and Self-esteem

     The problem with the upbringing of women from my generation is that some of us were not brought up to have high self-esteem and any problems we may have suffered were brushed under the rug, because what mattered was what people thought.
     I remember when I was fourteen going on fifteen and my brother was sixteen going on seventeen, yes like the song from The Sound of Music, my grandmother and aunt on my dad's side were so interested in Chris going to National Outdoor Leadership School, but especially Aunt Carroll not so interested in me going to music camp in Vermont, which I payed for with my own money from a terrible accident my brother and I were in in a '65 Mustang my folks owned.
     My parents sent me to college and were fond of my singing and guitar playing and song writing.  My mother even liked my secret novel attempts she came across.  She has all my visual artwork that I did in college as well as some Art critiques I wrote taped into my sketch pad.
     Still, no one had high goals for me.  I recall calling my father when I was a young mother with a baby living far from home, saying I wanted to leave my husband, and he said, "you cannot do that.  You have no way to support yourself."  In a sense he was right, because although I always had jobs, and even though I hung in through another child and several years, I ended up struggling on my own, and vulnerable as well.  
     I guess it is good I did not have a daughter, because my son David told me he thought it was harder for girls to grow up without a father around than boys.  
     I just think that although some women are very successful from any generation or culture, that it is partly an astrological thing.  I was once told by an astrologer that something in my chart made it difficult for me to do professionally the things I was talented at.  I guess now I consider myself a blogger even though I do not make money at it as well as musician which I do not make money at either.
     Women, many of us are very insecure, think we have to be a certain weight especially.  The Madison Avenue lie is a cause for eating disorders in women of all ages.  I went through that myself, having to weigh ninety-five pounds, until I realized that that was not what beauty really was.  I think I shared this before, but the turning point was when Dr. Gibbs said to me, "you're not as beautiful as you used to be."  He meant before I got so thin, and then I started to eat and went back to normal.  
     I think also that when some of us women get into relationships in which we are treated in ways that are unacceptable, we may have not been given the tools or where with how to know what is acceptable.  We may think it is our own fault somehow.  I had to ask a psychic if I was being abused as stupid as that sounds.  He probably said "yes" and what ever else I payed him for, because just the sound of my voice probably made it not exactly rocket science.  I could be a psychic too on that grounds.
     So to be pragmatic, how can we as women  empower ourselves?  I know some of us have. I have not fully.  How can we see through the lies that society dictates?  There is more than one way to be blind, to have blinders on.  
     One way is to start your own or look for a women's empowerment circle where you pass a talking stick or stone or token and whoever has possession of it talks uninterrupted.  It is true that some of us who are stuck in our story, might repeat our story again and again.  I know I am a bit guilty of this, my same woman scorned story, being a victim, etc..  
    Last summer I spent the weekend with a friend who is a Course in Miracles teacher.  She said to me, "you are so caught up in your story all the time."
     But on the other hand, I had dinner with a couple who are well versed in the Course in Miracles as well, and they actually asked to hear my story.  Maybe my friend had just heard it too many times.
      So, I am guilty as charged.  Still, I think overall my intentions are good, lol.