Say How You Really Feel, Not What You Think Others Want

     Sometimes it is hard to assert oneself.  When I was in college, it became vogue to go to the school psychologist.  We practically had to make up problems to see Mr. Cook.  Mine was my parents' marriage separation, which is sort of a problem, when you still live at home when you are not away at college.
     Anyway, Mr. Cook had all of us who wanted to see a shrink come for group therapy, and he chose the theme which was assertiveness training.  This included things like saying "no" if a friend or roommate wanted to borrow a dress or something.  Mine always got my stuff somehow with or without asking and sometimes for keeps.  Guess I was a little wimp then.  
     What I am talking about today is when someone has an opinion, you do not have to agree to make them happy.  I guess you have to be polite about it, but I have to mind my p's and q's since I ride in other people's cars and when you are a guest I guess it might be better to somewhat agree.
     However, if someone wants you to do something, say socially, that you cannot afford or a charity asks for money when you are already a charity case, you can say "no."
     For a long time I hung out with people much richer than me and tried to fit in.  Although I was just as educated and just as cultured if not more, I could not afford their lifestyle, but I tried to be a comelion.  I will never do that again, eat places I cannot afford, and so forth, buy coffees that cost four dollars and stuff like that.
     I have wanted a certain type of yoga pants with slits at the calf for a long time.  A friend had some, a friend with a good job.  I asked her where she got them and how much.  She told me, and although I could not remember the web site I looked at my usual shopping sites for something comparable and they were still pretty high in price.  My mother's voice said in my head, not out loud, I'm not schizophrenic, "you cannot be buying clothes for that amount of money.  You don't have that kind of money.  Go to the discount store and find something similar, but you cannot get those."  So I took them off my wish list and added a frugal pair of yoga pants which I need like a hole in the head anyway.
     Back to saying "no."  I was in a relationship with someone - here we go again - mentally abusive and for some reason, guess I was really wimpy then, I did not say "no" to him about anything even though my head and my heart were screaming "NO!!!!"  I have an aunt who is a retired psychiatrist, my only living aunt, and she said "look in the mirror and practice saying "no, no, no, no, no."  I did.  I learned.
     My son David, who is engaged to be married by the way, (see David Lynfield Walsh on fb to see his announcement), played me his new CD yesterday.  I was so touched because he recorded the song he wrote to me when he was only thirteen years old, called Let's Move On.  It is a really beautiful song and talks about the hard times we have been through.  The words are excellent as well as the music and his sweet voice and skilled guitar playing, and one line really warmed my heart, "let's move on, let's live on...and watch our scars just fade away...and watch the sun just rise today."  David is in the picture with me taken at the Meher Center last winter at an event that he performed the finale in with his band, a youth concert.  Love to all.  Namaste.