Several years ago when my older son was only twenty-one, I asked a friend in San Francisco if my son could stay with him because he wanted to go out there to see a girl who was a sort of childhood sweetheart, a whole other story, except that she used to play with my son when he was little, because she and her parents lived upstairs from us. I still have pictures of them playing together.
While my son was in the bay area, I received a very disturbing phone call from my friend who my son was staying with. My son had never come home the night before. I told him without a moment's hesitation, call the police, which he did.
That afternoon Oprah was on and it was about twenty-one year olds disappearing and so I burned candles that night against his picture. Normally I turn the phone off at night for sleep hygiene, but of course I left it on.
My son called at four A.M., my time, one A.M., California time. My son escaped without his belongings. He had been abducted and was being kept against his will. When his captor finally fell asleep, he made a run for it, not chancing trying to get anything, for fear of waking his abductor. He ran barefoot to a soup kitchen he remembered going to with this kidnapper and called my friend Ben who he was staying with who went to pick him up.
He cried a lot and had to come home early, did not have his glasses and Ben sent him home. He felt bad for having gone with a stranger who said, "we're out of fuel." Yes, just like on the cop shows, someone pretended to need help to grab someone. My son felt bad, more than bad for what happened, but I said, "you were so much stronger than I ever was." I stayed with an abusive monster for several years and could not get away, but he was brave enough to run away, and I was truly impressed and relieved and grateful.
When I was a substitute teacher, I recall teaching kindergarten and their weekly reader was a drill about safety, things I drilled my own boys on like for example: what do you do when someone touches you or talks to you in a way that is 'yucky'? The children shouted in unison, "run away! Tell someone!" Another: someone asks you to help him look for his lost puppy. "Run away! Tell someone!" And so on, you find a gun, a needle, etc... The answer was always, "run away and tell someone." I am proud of my older son, because that is what he did.
Sometimes difficult situations and relationships can tempt us into the traps of the ego. Before we know it, we are swimming in it. Forgiveness, in terms of the Course in Miracles and the Holy Spirit thought system is corrected perception, asking God to help me see this differently. Forgiveness is connected to atonement, in Course in Miracles terms, the realization that we were never really separate from God. This is the 'tiny mad idea.' The truth is we were always part of God and never separate.
When I feel hurt by someone and we all know family matters can be some of the hardest, I have to turn it over to God, saying "God help me see this differently." This concept is radical forgiveness and easier said than done. Even if forgiveness is hard or impossible in the ego mind, stillness and calm or non-reaction rather than lashing out in a cry for love at our 'enemies' so to speak, for lack of a better word, not a Course in Miracles term, retreating is the best course. Sometimes it is necessary to take action in some cases. If someone physically harms you, by all means call the police, press charges, carry mace if you need to protect yourself, but know all the while that love holds no grievances.
Therefore, live in the world but not of it. If forgiveness seems impossible, turn it over and let God handle it. Thy will not mine...
When I say enemies, the 23rd Psalm of King David comes to mind. Thou hast prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies... I also love the earlier part: and ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for the Lord is thy rod and thy staff.
To me, the essence of this is trust God. People have suffered and died saying these very words, and I believe in Heaven. I really do. Love to all. Namaste.
Not long ago, my younger son brought up a shortcoming of mine as a parent during his childhood, not long ago, because he is only twenty-two years old, and I have owned up to my failing. I do not feel good about having been a troubled mother, but I know that I was not unique in that way. Many young single mothers have a lot of personal problems while bringing up kids on their own. Sometimes it can be very difficult for children to grow up in the care of someone battling with depression. I know I could have been worse, which does not make it good, but I have made amends, at least tried to, as well as trying to improve and work on myself now, which is all I or anyone has.
I have a difficult relationship with my own mother. It is too complicated to even explain, and truthfully she is so different from myself, that I do not understand her. I do not want to go into it, because some people who read my blog know her, and I do not like to give too much personal information in my blog and at the same time be honest, which is hard. I realize also that many people in the "Baba world" look up to my mother, and that is wonderful. I am glad for her, and I do not need spiritual recognition. I am not in competition with anyone, nor do I wish to be special or a 'spiritual or intellectual giant', lol. I am just another 'Bozo on the bus'.
However, I would like to talk about boundaries. We all need them to stay sane, solid boundaries. Any psychotherapist would say that these days. People play games, mess with your head, feel better about themselves if you seem sick. Yes, this is very toxic stuff, but it happens to be true. The only way is to not go swimming in the muck of it. If someone tempts us off balance, it is best to say a mantra, like, God is the light in which I see, Course in Miracles, or I am the light of the world or love holds no grievances, which is from last week's Course in Miracles workbook lesson. I believe my friend Kathy posted that recently on her fb page.
Letting oneself hurt is useless. Victory is rising above all the insanity on earth and all the hurt that hurting people put or try to put on us. We are all the same. Some people are just a little easier to understand and less complicated. I do not want to be complicated, just honest, kind, humble and non-pretentious as well as just a really good person. I am not saying I am, but I do want to be. I do not want to get angry or strike out or hurt anyone. Meher Baba said, "never harm any living thing." This includes animals, which is why I take care of them and love them. Like children, they are innocent, and inside everyone, even adults, there is an innocent hurt child who has to heal. Namaste.
I longed for a taste of night the dark crescent sliver of the moon
imprisoned by my thoughts, i found freedom and i knew i was a child of God, and a daughter of light and all fear disappeared into nothingness. Thankyou for this clarity, and thankyou for this chance to find myself, to find God
amid this illusion. like hope amid the chaos and confusion, where all this uncertainty dissolves into your own divinity in one moment of clarity under the moon and stars until i find myself on lovestreet in your rosegarden once more in the dawn's light.
Someone asked my brother on his blog, how those who are beyond the fourth plane of consciousness in Meher Baba language or jargon, could still have dillusions. According to Baba, there are seven planes of consciousness, the seventh being God consciousness or God realization.
Since Chris is the one who was asked and it was his blog and his Facebook page, I dare not answer. I think that would be overstepping boundaries and I do not think I read that particular article so I may be wrong, but nosy as I am I keep checking to see if the guy got his answer.
Finally I decided to answer on my own blog, since I do not want to appear egotistical, as if I want to be a spiritual or intellectual giant. LOL That is kind of an inside joke. I wish.
Well, I am feeling a bit doubtful about Baba for my own personal reasons lately, but growing up with parents who met Baba and talked about him a lot and having read Baba's books and heard talk about Baba all my life, I have heard that lust for example continues all the way to the sixth plane, which according to Meher Baba is very high. For example, the saints were considered to be on the sixth plane, such as Saint Francis of Assisi, Joan of Arc, and Saint John of the Cross. I am actually not certain about Saint Teresa of Avila, but I am certain she was extremely advanced.
So, I realize that the person who asked the question, may never read my blog, but I am trying to be humble in a weird kind of way. No, I just do not want to take away from someone else. It is not right. It would be presumptuous I think. I do not want to compete with my brother; after all he has more education than I do.
Humble in a weird way, funny because my son David's girlfriend once posted a music video on my Facebook page. I commented "sweet". David said the guy was kind of creepy in it. When I said "creepy?", he said "creepy in a sincere way." I about died. Only someone in my family would think of something like "creepy in a sincere way." LOL
Sometimes it is hard to keep one's equipoise when shocking events happen. It is easy to get worried and fearful. Sometimes it is hard to stop thinking about the future, and wanting what is worrying you to be over and resolved. I am feeling like that now. Yet, other aspects of my life are helping me to get out of self and be involved in helping a loved one, but with my disability, sometimes I need help to help myself and others.
I have many character defects, but I am working on them. If you ever worked the twelve steps, you found that your character defects were very prominent in your life. I keep finding more defects of character. Without trying to beat myself up, I guess the only solution for anyone would be to pray about it.
The first words to The Road Less Traveled is "life is hard."
Truthfully I never cared for that book although I know for some it is like the Holy Bible, like A Course in Miracles is for me these days. I do not like to think of life as hard, even if it is. It takes away all the fun. I would rather think of it as a roller coaster ride.
I have said and still say that I like many others, just have to keep my ducks in a row, but I think for me it is more a feeling of needing to survive, like life and death, do or die, because I do not have a significant other to grab on to the other side if the ship sinks. However, I am happy the way things are I suppose. Friends are good to have. I have friends who are very helpful, so in some ways I know I am alright without someone to "complete me." I am already complete in and of myself. My friends are priceless and amazingly kind. In fact someone took a lot of time out of his day today to help my son and I and for this I am so very grateful. I am grateful for acts of kindness and hope that I can be kind and helpful too in some way, even by doing Reiki healing or giving a friend some good advice, not that I necessarily have any good advice. I might just think I do, so tell me if I ever give you unsolicited advice. LOL
I know that if I have faith and write a gratitude list on an ongoing basis, knowing in the meantime that it will work out alright and if I try to see through the Holy Spirit thought system, rather than the narrow perspective of my limited ego mind, that I will be able to shift and see things differently.
Some people who know me, may think I am capable of wigging out. They may be right, but it takes a lot for that to happen these days, and for the life of me I am trying to maintain equilibrium as we all are. "What if God was one of us..." I can't remember who wrote that song, but it is in the soundtrack of Vanilla Sky, one of my all time favorite films.
Well, my finger is almost healed, so I am back to blogging, although according to my son Ted, only bound books are real writing, we know this is not true, although he is entitled to his opinions. Love to all.
As a Reiki Master, I do energy healing and chakra work. I also do yoga for exercise and relaxation and meditation for inner healing, calming the mind, enabling me to live better on life's terms and giving me the ability to better be with my feelings and what is. Acceptance is the key.
One can sit in lotus or Indian style position with hands outstretched and eyes closed inhaling through the nostrils in and out slowly.
Visualize the root chakra at the base of the perineum, strengthening the point of groundedness. The color is red or black.
Imagine a string of purple thread leading up through the second chakra below the navel, the sacral chakra, color orange. Healing this chakra and opening it enables creativity and sexuality to be able to express themselves. Just breath into this chakra and on up through the string to the solar plexus.
This chakra is for energy and digestion. The color is yellow. When someone attacks me, I feel it here, like the wind knocked out. Breath into this third chakra with light and healing energy in every single breath.
Continue opening and renewing each chakra as they come together into harmony and unison at once. The string continues up into the heart chakra, of which healing pertains to broken heartedness, grief, love, compassion, color green. Open up the chest wide, breathing into the lungs near to the heart, imagining every single breath healing your heart, opening your heart to love yourself and others, even those less likely, to feel compassion. Heal yourself first to heal others. Let all the threads that bind this chakra into despair come undone and untangled, clearing this space.
Now you continue with your eyes softly closed to the fifth chakra, the throat chakra, blue. Open the throat, repeating aloud yum several times fast, arching the head and neck to open the throat which governs communication as well as singing. Heal this chakra so that you may have a voice to express yourself, to assert yourself and to express love and ideas and truths that are important, not stifling these.
As you continue breathing through the nose, progress upward, the purple thread leading to the forehead or third eye chakra, the sixth chakra, color indigo or violet-purple. Look upward towards the third eye with eyes closed. Here as this chakra opens, you may find great insight and even more knowledge than you ever expected. If only beginning to meditate, do not expect anything. Never have expectations, only be with what is and what you see, paying no mind to it. There is no need for worry or fear, only healing of insight, opening any blockage that would block clarity. True sight is not physical sight. One can live without physical eyes to see, but the third eye sees truth.
Now, continue your meditation up to the crown chakra, the top of the head, the halo, the seventh and highest chakra, not to be misconstrued as the seventh plane of consciousness, but the highest chakra. This opening and healing of the seventh chakra or crown chakra will bring holiness, spirituality, greater compassion, the color white or gold, maybe even both at once. You may even see these colors.
Eventually you may want to come back to your gross or physical rather than subtle body and breath deeply, bowing to honor the light that is within you and in others then outwardly, hands in namaste position. Namaste, bhaghwan.
