Things I Hate About Being Visually Impaired/ Having RP

     As a whole, I am totally okay with things, and am adjusted to partial blindness, even have a certificate from a program called adjustment to blindness, which took me five and a half months of classes at the South Carolina Commission for the Blind, in Columbia, South Carolina, to obtain.  It took staying there all week, every week, Monday through Friday, and transported home for weekends to be with family, pay bills, and then back again, two and a half to three hours west of here, and back to the beach.
     It took getting up at 6:00 every morning, having breakfast downstairs, and on to class after class, mobility training on the streets and malls of Columbia, as well as just doing stairways on the campus, two braille classes a day, home management, and vocational rehab.  I guess the weekends home, sleeping in helped to regroup for the coming week.  
     Now, it has been four years, since then, and I am living in the civilian from blindness, sighted world, and some of it is a real bitch.  I am sorry if I am using my blog as a bitch session, but I am sick of always acting like la di da, and life is so great, and I have all the answers.  I do not.
     I realize my third eye and throat chakras are both blocked.  I did some testing and meditation yesterday, to help another person to try to open some of their chakras, being a reiki master, having that certificate too.  
     My goddess pendulum, given to me by Penny, my reiki and yoga teacher, when I got my reiki master certification, along with the other people getting theirs, is very accurate.  
     I can tell that these chakras are blocked, not only by the pendulum, but by the way I am approaching my life right now, and my lack of communication or assertiveness skills, as well as my lack of insight.  
     I have had psychic abilities and good intuition a lot, but now I have the worst judgment about people, and I cannot express myself, nor assert myself.  
     I will go on with why I hate being a visually impaired person, and try not to go on all day.  Believe me, if I was in therapy, I would talk to them.
     1) This is small, but paper work is a bitch, 2) lack of transportation: if I go out anywhere with someone, to a club, a concert, I am at their mercy.  I cannot just leave when I want.  I can either take a cab, which costs a lot here, or if close enough to home, and I know the way, walk home with my cane for the visually impaired.  During the day, I do not need the cane.  It is only at night, or in a dim building, that is congested or I am not familiar with, like going to visit someone in the hospital, for instance.  3) I hate the way people I meet, sometimes act about my disability, even though I do not consider my self disabled, just visually challenged, I suppose.  They act awkward.  They either do not see that I am blind, or even know what my cane is, and I have to tell them, or they act like I am totally blind, and they do not understand why I can get around somewhat on my own, and yet they either do not help me at all, or enough around stairs, steep stairs, or they help me too much.  I would actually prefer sometimes to be helped too much.  I feel like people ignore me, and pretend I am not even there.
     The thing that burns me up the most, is when people are completely inconsiderate.  You go out somewhere with them, and they want to stay and stay for eternity, long after the concert is over.  They want to go to the next bar, with people they know, who don't know you, and you say, "okay," but you really want to go home.  You are tired, but you are already there now, and if you ask them if you can leave now, they don't even seem aware of you.  So, you finally say you are getting a cab, and they are so rapped up in their own self, and their conversation, that they say, "okay."  But, you realize you are not that far from home, and you have made this journey on foot in the day, and even though you cannot see well, the darkness makes it cool, rather than hot.  So, you decide to walk with your cane.  But, you realize you are going in the wrong direction, are not oriented, and have to turn yourself around with what vision you have.  You head for home.  Then you hear people calling behind you, "are you 'so & so's' friend?," and you ignore them, and they keep calling, and so you turn around, and they say something.  You are stone cold sober, but you can't rap your head around what they are saying, and so you say, "she doesn't give a shit," and you continue, not even knowing exactly what it was they said. 
     A guy comes up on a bicycle.  You feel afraid.  You pull out your cell phone.  You cannot bring mace to concerts, but he keeps going.  He stops ahead, and so do you, and you are ready to dial those three numbers, but he goes on.  You keep going.  The lights from your neighborhood grocery store, very close to your house, are illuminated.  The store is open all night.  You walk in front, where the light is, and voila, you are in your neighborhood, and you know it like the back of your hand.  
     You are hot and sweaty, hungry and thirsty.  Your 'friend' comes by to see if you made it home, but you are in the shower, and your son tells them this, because it is true.  But, you do not really want to hang out anymore.  You do not want to go out with people you do not know well, anymore, even if you want a social life, and to have fun, because it is not fun anymore.  It is a drag.  They have no consideration, and do not treat you with the decency of a human being.  Perhaps their intentions were good, but in the end, it's just me, me, me, for them, and you don't even matter.
      That is the truth.  That is how it really is. It is a bitch and it sucks, and it is really fucked up.  I am sorry, but that is the truth, my truth, at this moment, and no, I don't apologize for my truth.