This Too Shall Pass

     I have read somewhere, that depression could be holding onto a false belief.  Also, someone wise, once said to me, "all suffering is caused by lies you tell yourself."  For example, how you see yourself in the mirror, may not be accurate.  You can be seeing a negative or false version, of who you are.
     I think that acceptance is the key, although I know this is not an original concept.  Still, sometimes life really gives you a shake up.  One minute, one thing is happening, and then the next another, seemingly and accurately out of your control.  That has been going on with me, in my life, with my 'peops,' anyway, and I have been easily agitated, exhausted, annoyed, exasperated, anxious, but only for short spurts, which I quickly make myself snap out of, by either rearranging, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc..  In AA, they call it 'irritable and discontent' or 'halt,' which means hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  And, ironically, it also means what it says, "halt."  Just 'halt' and take it easy, relax, stop, slow down, cool it, chill, say the serenity prayer, anything but wig out.
     I suppose one can always wig out, and I guarantee I have done plenty of that in my life, but I know now, that is not going to help me or anyone.
     Most sensitive people go through the same stuff, and maybe almost all people, except maybe sociopaths, which I do not really understand, but most normal people go through a certain amount of normal crap.  I know 'normal' is a weird word, like 'what is normal?,' but there must be some sort of norm, although there is no special ruler to measure it in degrees or anything.  
     Sometimes, life is so damn frustrating, and the people who we are supposed to feel unconditional love from, we don't, and yet maybe that is just a feeling.  That is another AA slogan, 'feelings are not facts,' but they are not, so just because I feel rejected and unloved by someone close to me, does not mean I am.  Just because I feel burdened and stressed out, perhaps I am, but maybe I need to slow down, chill and take it easy.  Maybe I do not have to prove my worth so much.  Perhaps, after being on this earth a half a century, I can stop expecting perfection from myself.  I have made mistakes, I know, but so have most people, and I am sorry, but I cannot do any better than this, now.  And, most of all I need to cut myself some slack, and stop being as Meher Baba said in Lord Meher Volumes 14 and 15, "depressed about my depression."  He said, "don't be depressed about your depression.  It came to you unasked.  It will go away.  Love for God alone, counts...," etc..  I cannot quote it exactly, and there is more, but that is the major part of it, the idea, anyhow.
     I guess, the idea is not to worry so much.  Things change.  Life is hard.  Nothing stays the same.  This too shall pass, I guess.