Truth/ I Cannot Live a Lie/ More on Writing and 'American Boys' Was My Life With My Boys

     Samuel Clemons said "don't change the names and places, change your own name."  That he did.  His pen name was and is Mark Twain.
     He said write as though only you were going to read it.  This makes it real and raw.  Stephen King, a more generic but good writer, said "imagine who you would like to read this."  Mark Twain spent seven years, and at least three, writing his books, each one.  King said, "get done in three months."
     I spent two years on 'American Boys.'  Few people read my blog anymore, which makes me wonder why I wrote it.  It was happier than my real life.  I do not want your pity, your charity.  I only wanted to tell the truth.  I have to live in lies it seems, and can never escape them, even though I wish so much to, so much, I can barely breath sometimes.
     I watched all of Revenge on Netflix.  It reminded me of things in my life, minus wealth I cannot imagine.  Nolan looked and acted exactly like my Alan, who died, and watching it, brought Alan back for a while.
     But, I cannot live the lie of the rich.  I cannot live the lie of the pious, the self-righteous.  I know in my heart that I am hated, and that I will never have my due heritage.  The native American, in a sense, though not really, banished to poverty, and no one cares.  They, the well meaning, throw their scraps at me, which only insult me more deeply than ever, and I can no longer live a lie.
     The characters in my novel represented real people, my children, other people's children, Alan, myself, and ultimately 'Jim,' but I fear I will never have a Jim.  Really I do not fear it, but accept it.
     If you read my book, you would know 'Jim.'  But, as I said, no one, hardly but a few, ever read my blog anymore.  Perhaps, Americans will read again.  As another author so eloquently said, "I wrote my book, because I wanted to read it."