My Autobiography/ Abreviated

      My grandfather on my mother's side was a hero in World War One.  He was a colonel in the 60th division of the United States Army.  He was decorated in France, in 1918, with the Distinguished Service Cross.  He also obtained the Purple Heart.  My grandmother, his wife, had immigrated from Latvia when she was thirteen, spoke several languages, learned English, became an office manager, and later head of the Jewish War Veterans Wives Auxiliary.
     My grandfather, on my father's side was a lawyer.  He spent three years in Fort Leavenworth Prison, for being a conscientious objector in World War I.  He was tortured in prison.
     He became a CEO of the Grant Company, and was very successful.  My grandmother's sister was in the DAR.  She was a wasp, obviously, but she declined to be, even though she qualified.  She was a home economics teacher, and had grown up on a farm in Indiana.  Her maiden name was Carroll.  She was a direct decedent of Charles Carroll, a signer of the Declaration of Independence.  She was also related to Johnny Apple Seed.
     My father was a graduate of Rhode Island School of Design, had retinitis pigmentosa, and was a fine artist.  He met Meher Baba.  My mother met Meher Baba in India before that.  She was and is still an artist and a Harvard graduate.
     Now I would like to tell a little about myself.  I went to Lander University and Coastal Carolina University, as well as U.S.C., when Coastal was a branch of it.
     I sang professionally in many forums, and helped to support my family, and in other situations supported my family with my music.  I played my first singing and guitar playing gig when I was only thirteen.  I sang on the Meher Center stage from the time I was nine.  In 2004, I sang professionally once again in song writer show cases and with the Carolina Girls With Guitars.  I was paid to sing at my gigs, and I am not an amateur in any way, contrary to popular Meher Baba follower, belief.
     I taught school, substitute taught off and on, after my divorce from the father of my children in '95.  I also worked in a health food store, and have had many jobs in my life.  Finally I had to go on disability.  I am legally blind, as you know.
     Now I am a Reiki Master, and have been said to be a true healer, although I am not having clients now.  I love animals and humanitarian causes.  I love domestic activity and making things beautiful.  I used to paint and draw, even had shows, before my eyes started going.
     Now I just meditate, read, write, sing, play, and do yoga.  So, that in essence is my biography, not exciting, but maybe some things my haters do not know.  Just kidding, or not.  Oh, and I was in the only family who's kids grew up at the center, which means nothing, of course.  We all know that I am nothing, including me, lol.

People Will Read Again, Part 2; Or Not

     In this magnificent age of computer technology, people are using ipads, iphones, blackberries, touch screens, windows, all great stuff.  I do have windows and a cell phone, and a land phone, answering machine, but that is neither here nor there.  Of course, I know that many people, including me, read online news, google reader, which my blog appears on, and some read these and even long novels, from iphones, ipads and computers.  They are downloaded, and I have seen it demonstrated, how you turn the pages with a touch screen, which is awesome.
     People, young and old are texting, sexting, skyping, chatting on line, facebooking, twitting, etc..  But, you know what?  I never thought there was anything more sexy and cool, as a man reading a book, yes a book, you know, those things with paper pages, a spine, back and cover, hard or soft, with maybe even a jacket, or dust cover?  I used to, and still do, in a limited way, due to my vision, read out of books, but I used to read one after another.
     I know this tells how old I am, but like many of you, when I was in college, you actually had no computers.  You researched out of books on shelves, even used card catalogs, which are now obsolete, which is good I suppose.  I mean, when I call the state library for talking books for the blind, I know they are looking at a computer, not a card catalog, and now we have digital books for the blind.  I read all the time.  They make a great little machine just for the blind.  It is free, and it is really easy to use, has braille on it.  The cartridges are the size of cassettes, and slip easily, in and out, having print and braille on them.  Of course, the thing is, you have to be legally blind to get this stuff, which takes medical proof, in case anyone out there, thought I was faking it.  You would not believe how much blind people, even totally blind people, get accused by some asshole of faking it.  "Are you really blind?," says the moron. 
     "Let me take your car for a spin.  I hope you have good insurance."  That will shut the assholes up pretty quick.
     I had some idiot ask me, "did you have eye surgery?"
     Quite earnestly, I said, "no, I have retinitis pigmentosa," naively thinking he was asking a legitimate, not smart ass question.
     He said, "Well, I thought you were like ninety percent blind, and you seem to be getting around just fine."
     That time, being quite annoyed, I said, "it's none of your business," and he went away.  Ninety percent?  Where did that come from?  Even the eye doctor said to me, there was no way to measure my eyesight, because it was so bad, and I am totally blind in one eye, but ninety percent?  Where did that number come from, I wonder? 
     I went to a nondenominational church, with my son.  I guess they call it evangelical.  The minister, a nice lady, said to me, "the Lord can heal your eyes."
     I smiled and said, "thank you."  But, truthfully, I thought it was okay to be the way I am, and the Lord really is not going to heal my eyes.  I guess it was equivalent to telling a child about Santa Claus, only a little worse, because I am an adult, and I know that is a bunch of hog wash, bologna, to say it nicely.  But, I need to get back to books and reading, and off my soap box about how people are jerks to blind and legally blind people, and how they do not understand retinitis pigmentosa, and have no wish to learn.  Why should they?  It is not their problem.  It is my problem, and it was my father's problem, my kids' problem, and a bunch of other people's out there, even if a low percentage of the population.  By the way, there is a type of RP, which causes deafness as well.  It is called usher's syndrome.  Again, back to books and reading.
     On these cartridges, I have read everything from political biographies, to memoirs, to Deepak Chopra, to Neil Donald Walsh.
As well, I have read many novels.
     With young people, not only does it seem like they are not interested in reading much, any more, but they do not seem interested in science, mathematics, history, geography, American literature, English literature, and so on, any more.  They all want to be singers, actors, actresses and models, or something like that.  Singers think they are musicians, but not in my book.  People think they can just be a rock star.  A good voice, and no real training, does not make one a musician, or even a singer, when one has no discipline, only a sense of entitlement, and over indulgent parents.
    Believe me, I am not knocking computers.  I love mine, and I like having a cell phone for emergencies and convenience.  I just wish young people would read.  I am sure I am generalizing, but I just think it would be nice if America's youth were more educated, and less sophomoric.   

A Difficult World/ Cleaning Up One's Own Side of the Street/ Taking Accountablility Without Being a Doormat

     If you ever joined a twelve step program, or even saw a really good counselor for any reason, at any time, you know that you need to clean up your own side of the street, make amends when needed, look at your part, but do not have great expectations for anyone, ever.
     Life is difficult.  People are not as nice as we wish they were, and when they are, you are amazed sometimes, because most people are full of themselves and selfish.
     People ask you about bad things that happened to you, out of curiosity, or to gossip, but do not offer help, only judgment, and a sense that they are better than you are, and would never be in your situation, because they feel they either have better karma, deserve better than you, or they assume you are to blame, without even giving you a fair chance.
     People also show you exactly where you stand with them, and although some people are the salt of the earth, some are fair weather friends, who are only around when things are good.
     When you have a disability, like bad eyes, people are condescending, pity you, and no one wants that.  If you do not have a lot of money, or are having any financial difficulty, and do not want a hand out, people still treat you like you are less than.
     I realize that I am not perfect, and I take responsibility for all I do and say wrong, but I still clean house from time to time.  I do not want people in my life, who look down on me, are never there for me, or just pay lip service.  I have no need in my life for people who are full of themselves.  Being confident and loving oneself is one thing, but thinking the world revolves around you is another. 
     The Course in Miracles has taught me that I am no one special, but still I do not have to be a doormat, and I have no obligation to be nice to people, who treat me badly.  I can forgive them, forgive myself, but I do not need them in my life.  I am better off without people, who do not love, and are disingenuous. 
     I have had a really hard week.  Something awful happened to me last Monday, and then something awful happened to me Thursday.  I know who my friends are in this town, by who actually helped me, and who just paid lip service, and acted like it was my own fault.
     It is freeing to not have toxic people around me.  It is always freeing not to have toxicity around you.  Again, it is good to forgive, turn the other cheek, forget about it, and move on.  It is a far from perfect world, but cleaning up one's own side of the street and not being a doormat is a beginning.
     Take action where you can, and where you cannot, then retreat, and trust God, and the universe.  A wonderful, spiritual woman, who really loved me, and who I really loved, a few years back, passed away.  Her name was Alice, and she died of lung cancer.  She was one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever known.  The last time I saw her, I went to hear her speak.  I had just started going to the Commission for the Blind, and I was home for the weekend.  The very last thing she asked me, or said to me, for that matter, was "are you trusting God?"  I have a picture of myself with her, taken by my friend Kathleen, but it is not on Facebook, but in one of my scrapbooks.  Namaste.

I Was Touched by the President's Speech the Other Night

     I think President Obama gave a wonderful speech concerning Trayvon Martin, and the results of the Zimmerman trial.  I cried.  I just feel so bad for Trayvon's parents, and about this terrible tragedy.
     You know, one thing about being an American, is we all have different political views, etc., but one thing should be shared in common, and that is that this racial profiling, and not just racial profiling, religious profiling, economic profiling, etc., and even profiling of the disabled, needs to stop NOW, and I mean now!
     You would not believe how the disabled, the blind are treated.  People treat blind people as less than, as stupid, and there is so much ignorance.
     Truthfully, if I had a choice, and I had financial means beyond what I do, I would not live in South Carolina, period.  But, probably it is not so great in most states, either.  The police are not really for the people.  They do not care about the victim, or who was violated, they just want to look for warrants on everyone.  We are almost as fascist as many other countries.
     Yes, people treat blind people as less than, and it happens constantly, even if they have a guide dog. 
     Another thing I am sick of, and this includes the Meher Baba community, I am sick of Mr. and Mrs., Miss, or Ms perfect.  I am sick of this in general, but Baba followers are very holier than thou, and most have not a clue what it like to really live in the real world.
     Do you even know how rare real kindness is?  I encounter it, but very seldom.  Most of what I encounter is ego this and ego that, but very little love, very little help, and very little understanding, and I hate to say it, but very little intelligence.

     I just wanted to add that I feel the police are doing their best at their job.  I was just upset at the time I wrote this, well good enough, I suppose, but maybe could improve a little.
     However, I still feel the same about Baba followers, and that just is what it is.  I am sure there are exceptions, but not many.

The Last Few Days/ Murphy's Law

     I am not sure how I have survived the last few days.  I wish I could tell you about them, but it is all personal.  I do not know how I keep going sometimes, not to make anyone feel sorry for me.  In fact pity, people being condescending, etc., is the last thing in the world, I or most people want.
     No one wants to be pitiful, and like, oh poor so in so.  You know?  No matter how life gets, maybe they are right that God does not give you more than you can handle.  Who knows?  But, I do not even think I like who I am anymore, but I have studied the Course in Miracles, and I know it does not matter.  There is no 'specialness' in a Course in Miracles, and all is illusion.  Thank God, because this world is a nightmare, but somehow a certain amount of peace can envelop an enlightened person.  I never said 'God realized.'  Enlightened does not mean that in my language. 
     My blogs are going to be less personal from now on.  I realize I have been too open about my life sometimes.  I no longer wish to be. 

Do Cruel and Truly Evil People Have Souls?

     I am wondering a theological question, which most Christians and Meher Baba followers, already have an answer to.  They say yes.  The Christians would say, "yes, but they are damned unless they get salvation and redemption," and a Hindu or Baba follower would say, "they just have to work the karma out in another life."  
     Still, for me, knowing that some policemen in South Carolina, hit a WWII veteran in the eyes, in the forties, who happened to be black, and coming back from the war, still in uniform, and made him blind, I find it hard to believe they could have had souls.  It happened in the forties, of course, and was 'the blinding of Isaac Woodard,' who I have shared a picture of, being led up a hotel stairway, by two other men, one a prize fighter, I believe.  He moved to New York, after the incident, and after losing his case in South Carolina, due to an all white, biased jury, who did not care, obviously, about this man, who had come back from the war in one piece, and then got blinded by the police, after serving his country.  Woodie Guthrie wrote a song called, The Blinding of Isaac Woodard.
     I know it is outrageous, but now I am wondering if any assholes have souls.  I am so upset about what that Zimmerman guy did to Trayvon Martin, I am wondering if he has a soul, but I have a feeling life may not be too pretty for him now, not to sound too vengeful. The point is that a kid's life was taken, an unarmed kid at that, and now his parents are grieving.  And, on top of that, they get no justice.   
     I once introduced a friend to another friend.  She did not care for her, for some reason.  She said, "did you see her eyes?"
     I said, "what do you mean?  What about her eyes?"
     My friend shook her head ominously, and said, "there was nothing behind them."
     I said, "what are you talking about?"
     She said, "they were just empty.  You could not see into them."
     Now I think she is being ridiculous.  I said, "are you trying to say she has no soul?"
     My friend nodded, really slow and serious.
     I said, "what ever do you mean?  Everyone has a soul!"
     She shook her head, really slow and serious again.  "There's not enough to go around."
     Now, I know this is all kind of silly, and I am sure she was wrong, but I got the creeps from the idea.  But, she could have been projecting a lot, and been a bit loopy, herself.       I mean, I have met people, who I found sort of vacant or obtuse, but I never assumed anything like that, but maybe felt they were not all there.  That is another story, not to do with not having a soul.
     I read a blog about this, which I googled, because I wanted to see what others were thinking and saying, so I read some Christian blog, which came up.  I did not comment or join.  
     Many evil serial killers and so forth, are so cruel, that it seems they do not have a right to live, but on the other hand, is it really right to take their life?  Some liberal states, such as Connecticut, have outlawed the death penalty, as well as New York and Massachusetts, unless it goes federal, like the surviving Boston Marathon bomber.
     Still, I ponder, without doctrine of any kind, how such 'soulless' people can have souls, sometimes.  Actually, for me, it is a new thought.  I am in doubt of humanity now, and not feeling positive.  Perhaps I should change the name of my blog to There is No Humanity or There is Little Humanity, a Rare Thing.

Is Customer Service a Thing of the Past?; Is the South Still Jim Crow in a New KInd of Way?

     I was talking to my best friend from childhood, on the phone last night.  We grew up here in this town, in the heart of Dixie, but unfortunately I am still here.  She is now a litigation lawyer in Chicago.
     We were talking about how there is no such thing as customer service anymore, in businesses.  You go to a restaurant, in Illinois anyway, and you do not care for the food, it's not, "oh, let me bring you something else.  We are so sorry.  I'll talk to the cook."
     No, it is, "it's made correctly."
     I never complain in restaurants, but I have complained in a certain supermarket here in town, BI-LO,  not about their products or the food, but how the management or costumer service is not serving the customer at all.  They are not even there to serve customers.  They are just there for a pay check, and quite frankly, although I have a disability, I am more intelligent than most, and I find these people to be outrageous.  
     I have a visual impairment.  I am totally blind in my right eye, and I have tunnel vision and severe myopia in my left eye, as well as inoperable cataract.  My eyes are prone to infection, but I am doing better with that now.
     I have to enlarge my computer screen a lot, and when I am on facebook, I cannot see who is on line.  I have been accused of ignoring someone I know, on chat.  Of course I do not know he's on chat.  I only get to see a small portion of the screen, due to magnification technology.
     So, I had to wire some money to my son western union, and one manager filled the paper work out for me.  When I went again, a few months later, the manager working was different, would not help me, and I had to ask for the other guy.  If he cannot help anyone, why is he at the customer service desk?
     Then, one day I am trying to purchase a Latin America calling card, to call my son in Peru, and not one person in the store is bilingual, to read me the instructions on the card, so I leave without buying a card.
     I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on food at this BI-LO, because it is the only grocery store close enough to my house.  I do not have or drive a car.
     Usually, I do not engage with anyone in the store, who works there, I mean.  I just shop and leave.  At one time I had food stamps, but for a long time, I have intentionally decided to try to manage without them, and cost the government less money.  Disability is not much money, at all, so it is hard to get by.  You can pay your bills, and you can pay for food, but you cannot live a luxurious life style, like vacations in Paris, India or even a stay at a spiritual retreat.  You cannot even afford a therapeutic massage.
     If I complained about anything or bad service, for any reason, there was no apology or 'here's a gift card for your trouble,' or anything, just excuses on their behalf.
     A few weeks ago, I was accused of trying to take a shopping basket home with me, the kind with a handle, and is like a rolling suitcase, like people use in airports.  An employee, who I could not see, yelled it out. I recognized her voice, as to which employee she was, though.  It was about noon.  Her voice was coming from the shady area, where employees sit, eat and smoke, as well as talk, on their break.  I have very good hearing, and heard other voices there as well, although faint, and not identifiable.  I felt I was being publicly humiliated for something I did not even do, like deformation of character.
     The irony is that I never break any laws.  I was the victim of a burglary, only about a week after this took place.
     I was just going to put the groceries in our car, and bring it back like anyone else.  I stopped in my tracks.  "What?," I said.  "You think I am trying to take this home with me?  We have a car.  Do you think I am a street person?"  
     I was so mad.  I went back inside, saying I was going to complain to management.  This woman comes over.  I have never seen this one before.  I tell her the situation.  She tells me, "we have had a lot of these stolen lately."  She did not say, "we're so sorry."
     I raised my voice, talking about what a prominent member of society, I was, and I was not screaming by any means, but my voice got a little loud, I admit.  I was explaining that I was a good citizen.  
     She accuses me of making a scene, and tells me to leave, that she is calling the police.  So, I leave, since I was told to.  And, I just carry the groceries, rather than use their basket.  I did not intend to, and nor did I, break one law.  I do not break laws.  I do not even want to live in a world like this, if you know what I mean, a world this unfair and unjust, and so mean and nasty.
     A half hour later, maybe more, Officer Bellamy, who I know, because I live in this community, shows up at my home.  My son tells me the police are outside, and want to talk to me.  He has a trespass order.  He explains that I am not in any trouble, but if I go to BI-LO again, I will be arrested, for the next six months, that is.  He said it is not a restraining order, and would not go on my record in any way, but I suppose I am spilling the beans, anyway, because I feel my blog is my outlet.   
     He apologized to me, but still, I do not understand how they can do that.  Officer Bellamy said that they used the word, 'irate,' to describe the way I acted.  Perhaps, I should have just taken their lousy treatment in stride.  I suppose I should have been meek, and turned the other cheek, and not complained about being called a thief, when I am absolutely not.  My grandfather, who died before I was born, was a CEO of the Grant Company, and one cause for huge lawsuits, was an accusation such as that, public humiliation and deformation of character.  
     I know they can ban anyone they want, but now I have no way to get to a grocery store, unless I get a ride or call a taxi.  My son is usually too busy working, and all, to take me to the store, or anywhere, for that matter.  There is a Dollar General, I can walk to, but I will not be able to get much fresh food there.  My friend Gary took me to Kroger's yesterday, so I could get soy milk, kefir, and kashi cereal.  I am fifty-one years old.  I have to take care of my health.  I have two sons living at home.  One is working and eats out mostly.  The other has a disability, and is on disability income, but cannot manage too much responsibility, which puts more responsibility on me, but he may have to take on more responsibility now.
     What is really ironic is that about ten years ago, when my younger child was only about thirteen, I did have food stamps.  I was in BI-LO, shopping.  I had been at the self check, and South Carolina EBT card is like a debit card with a certain allotted amount designated, and you have to keep track of the balance.  When I checked my receipts after the next shopping trip, I had my remaining ninety dollars missing.  I had remembered two cashiers going behind me that day, but I did not accuse anyone.  However, I put in a police report for the equivalent to credit card fraud, which is what they told me, and it was looked into.  A detective came to my home, to tell me that two BI-LO employees were caught on surveillance footage, standing behind me, the day the money went missing.  One wrote down my four digit code I had to punch in, and the other my card number, and they spent all of my family's allotment of government subsidized food money, on themselves that day.  One got probation, and the other got PTI, pretrial intervention.  They were of course fired, and I was given ninety dollars worth of store credit to buy whatever I wanted in the store, including paper goods, and what not, rather than just food, since it was their employees.  
     It was stressful for us, until it got solved, because we had no food.  It was November, and so we had to eat remaining Halloween candy.  That was all we had.  I had no money at the time, with bills and all.  The irony is that BI-LO employees committed a crime against me, and I never did anything to them.  They stole from me, and accused me of trying to steal from them, ten years later, but the difference is that I was completely innocent of any wrong doing, or intention of wrong doing.  I had forgotten this, until yesterday afternoon, and none of the same people still work there, and the store moved a couple of blocks south, and became a super BI-LO, but it is relevant, and to me ironic.    
     I have an attorney now, to handle it, and the president of the National Federation for the Blind, a friend, who is also an attorney, and a politician, called me back, as well.  
     I spoke to Lieutenant Boyd, and got a call back today from another police supervisor, who said he would talk to them, but my lawyer had told me not to do anything, so I declined, and now I wish I had taken the supervisor up on that.
     Apparently, the store managers are not there to serve, only to be jerks.  I said to her, "there is a thing called the first amendment."  People are just ignorant and stupid, and think they are important, because they have some dumb job, and get to boss people around.  I have done some research about BI-LO, and found a lot of complaints on line from employees being mistreated by managers.  I also found a sight where customers complain about the lousy customer service at BI-LO.
     What I am saying is that, I am not the only one who is having, or has had a bad time with that store.  
     I called their customer service headquarters, who called the store on my behalf, but that was to no avail.  Hopefully, my lawyer can help.  I do not know, but it does not seem fair, because I do not drive, and that was the only grocery store I could get to on my own.
     I even wrote to Congressman Tom Rice.  I received a typed letter back from his office, with numbers and addresses for legal aid and law enforcement, but I still feel helpless, and I do not know what to do.  I wish my lawyer would do something.

'German Roaches' a Satire

     Now that I finished my novel, American Boys, I thought I should write, German Roaches, although I am not sure whether it would be a statement about economic status in a Tolstoy type style, or Dickens even, or should it be more of a sci-fie, horror, thriller, about mutating roaches, that can survive three minutes of microwaving, commercial extermination, twice, several bombings, excessive cleanliness, combat, roach motel, baking in the traditional oven, refrigeration, freezing, etc.?  
     I say this lightly, but it seems they have mutated.  Fortunately, they do not like the bedrooms, because bedrooms have no crumbs or water, but as long as there is a tiny crumb, you will probably have a roach, or a tiny grease spot from cooking.  I think they can even survive being washed down the drain, almost. 
     Well, as I said I can make a novel about great poverty conditions and hardship, or of course the sick psycho thriller about the mutant roaches.  I just want you to know that when I bought this place, they were a hundred times worse, and I bought it from a judge, who said he was going to exterminate, but he either did not, or he could not do it successfully.  I had some helpers for the day before I moved in, and one of the things they did was spray.  The point is, they are not as bad as they were when I bought the place, by far, but they are not gone.  I am afraid to spill one crumb around here, and that is not easy when you are visually impaired.  Where did that chereo go anyway?  If the roaches find it before I do, they will have a hay day.  Some crazy, uninformed social worker, might want to take children out of homes, because of roaches, so they can put them in foster homes with human roaches.  No, that is not true.  Only amateur 'wanna be social workers,' would have such an idea as that.  
     They (organic type people) say we live in too sterile a world, which causes stuff like Epstein-Bar and chronic fatigue syndrome, with a propensity for lyme disease as well, of course.  Just kidding.  But, did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld?  Elaine is talking about this friend with lyme disease, and Jerry says, "I thought she had Epstein-Bar."  
     Elaine says, "Oh yeah, she does, but she has lyme disease, as well."  But, truthfully, Epstein-Bar is called 'the yuppie disease,' for that very reason, too clean an environment, and believe me, I like clean.  I was brought up that way, myself.
     I am going to find a way to kill the suckers, somehow, some way, someday, roaches that is.  Got that, computer robots? Roaches, okay?
     I posted a picture of one of my cats that passed away, but cats do not help, nor do dogs.  They just live in peace and harmony with German roaches, like they were other pets.  I guess they are not as bad as mice, rats or reptiles, and they are not poisonous, and they do not eat your house, but they are a pain.  
     Bay leaves do not work.  Salt does not work.  Home defense does not work.  Raid does not work.  They say if the world were to have a nuclear holocaust, the roaches would survive.  If they can survive three minutes of microwaving, and being frozen, I believe it.  After all, they have an exoskeleton, as we learned in Biology.

Where My Heart Lay on the Fourth of July this Year

     This recent fourth of July, my heart was not in it.  It was in it, in a sense, because I am patriotic, and I enjoyed celebrating with friends, but my heart was really with how black people did not, for so many years in this country, enjoy the freedoms, that whites did. 
      Black men went to WWII, to fight Hitler, in a segregated army.  They went to help the holocaust prisoners, but they were victims here.  The south was a continuous lynching.  F.D.R. disregarded this.  His wife cared, but he did not.  Truman disregarded it.  Back in the twenties, Theodore Roosevelt disregarded it.  
     Isaac Woodard had just returned from WWII, was still in uniform, and for asking a greyhound bus driver, if he could stop for him to use a restroom, he was beaten by police in South Carolina.  He was hit in the eyes with billy sticks, they poured alcohol upon him, and he woke up blind.
     I posted these blogs, to say exactly what Frederick Douglas said in the speech that I posted, acted by Danny Glover.  
     It all just seems grossly unfair.  We see ourselves as great for fighting the Nazis, while torturing our own.
     It seems like hypocrisy.  Ironically, as I said in my blog on July fourth, or one of them, that most of the New Yorkers, who went down to Mississippi to protest the execution of Willie McGee, a black man, falsely accused of rape of a white woman, were Jewish, including Einstein and Norman Mailer, whom I am related to by marriage, although he is passed on.  William Faulkner also protested, and many northern women.  No white man has ever been executed for rape, and Willie McGee was in fact, innocent.
     However, Willie McGee was electrocuted in the traveling electric chair, and there are chilling audio records of this happening live, with spectators, as if they were going to a fireworks display.  This type of thing that went on down here in 'Dixie,' makes me ashamed of the south, where I am from, but we have come a long way.  It was, however, not that long ago, that these horrors happened.  
     It also makes me proud to have Jewish heritage, because Jews are by nature, intelligent, compassionate people, who have received much hatred and injustice, but have the wisdom and integrity to stand for righteousness.  

Clearing the Air About a Possible Misunderstanding of a Statement I Made

     "In my defenselessness, my safety lies."  A Course in Miracles

     I am not defending myself, just wanted to be better understood.  I recently posted on facebook, that I was going to speak my mind.  I did not mean I was going to speak my mind about or against any individual, or that I had any intention of hurting anyone's feelings.
      I have tried very hard, in my blogs, and my posts of late, not to hurt or offend anyone.  In fact, even though I am a Democrat, I have disliked liberal ads, insulting Republicans, in inappropriate ways.  It is one thing to criticize a thought system, another to do name calling and inappropriate remarks.
     Yes, I have a couple of conservative views, within reason, not at an extreme or radical level, but I have also voiced that I was not going to touch on those exactly, because too much human emotion, for everyone, was involved.  
      I know that I have hurt people in the past, and I am sorry for that.  I never intended to, and have been mindful about that.  I have also been hurt by people. 
      I think we are all, adults I mean, grown up enough, to deal with a few hurt feelings.  I am not naive, and do not count on perfection from humanity, in the least.  All I or anyone else can do, is one's best.  
      I guess that is what I wanted to say, and that I intend to be honest when asked my opinion, and on my own blogs, about the way I really feel, with the exception of hurting any individual, as I said before.  I just want to be genuine.  

I Hope Everyone Had a Great Fourth of July

     I hope everyone had a good fourth.  I did.  I went to a desert party.  I made cut up strawberries and whipped cream with splenda from heavy cream.  I tend to have high cholesterol, so I cannot indulge in fatty food often.
     Here at the beach, there are fireworks all the time.  In fact, in the summer, you can see them one night a week, from behind my house.  Last night I sat back there, and watched them, after I came home.  
     I actually cleaned the house when I got home, before my son got home from work.  My other son went to the party with me, where we met lots of nice, interesting people, and ate lots of  deserts.  I even had a pineapple juice with rum.  It was sort of a pinacolada, minus the coconut, which I do not like much anyway.
     I needed to get out of my self a bit.  I had been doing so much heavy reading about the Jim Crow south.  When you think of all the violence and murder towards the black people of this country, especially in the deep south, all those years, it makes your hair stand on end.  It was all so unjust and unfair, to say the least, and cruel and heinous. 
     However, now is now, and then is then.  I am now reading Miss New India, about an independent young Indian woman, who does not want the usual arranged marriage, but to have a career.  She talks, also, about all the Americans living in India in 1970, like the Meher Baba people, they remind me of.  Hippies.  
     This brings me to topic.  Yesterday, I saw a post of Deepak Chopra, talking about how you know, other than obvious abuse, when to leave a relationship.  He says your instincts should lead you.  I agree.  
     I know that it is best to stay married it you can, but for some, especially in the west, it is nearly impossible.  It is hard for some of us to find a monogamous, truly loving partner.  Not everyone is lucky in love.  
     I have only been married one time, and sometimes I think that is enough.  I do not think I could handle going through another relationship sometimes.    

The Good Old U.S.A.

     After I was born, in Mexico, we moved back to the U.S..  My father was homesick and dreaming about the American flag.
     I know this is a country that has had problems along the way, the removal of Native Americans, slavery, racism for years and years.  
     Two bad wars, Viet Nam and Operation Iraqi Freedom.  We have become victimized by terrorism.
     Still, all in all, I am happy to be an American.  I cannot criticize another country, and I am sure some have freedoms and liberal laws about certain things that we do not.  Well, I mean there are stricter laws on medications here, which can be bought over the counter in other countries, but here there is a certain amount of socialization of medicine.  
     On the other hand, medications, without Medicare or Medicaid, are expensive here, and Medicaid stopped paying for asthma inhalers, due to the ozone issue.  This may have changed, so if I am wrong, I stand corrected.
     Still, I would rather be American, because the police are more corrupt in some countries.  Of course, there are dirty cops everywhere, but not extremely prevalent here.  
     If the law really goes by the constitution, then that is another great thing.  Reading about the electrocution of Willie McGee in the late forties, makes me feel that constitutional rights did not apply to black people then, even though they were supposed to, even veterans.  Look what happened to Isaac Woodard, who was blinded by the police, and Woodie Guthrie wrote a song about him.
     I am at the part of McGee's trial, accused of raping a white woman, and coerced into signing a confession, after a series of brutal beatings and being put in the hot box, when liberals from New York, many Jewish, came down to Mississippi, to get involved in the protest. Even Pete Sieger came to sing.  Some heckler yelled out, "Dixie," and he knew it.  Folk singers know everything.  He was with a known communist, whose name I have forgotten.
     Still, when you think about it, all countries have bad stuff in their history, as well.  In Europe, there is the holocaust.  England is notorious for past oppression, and tyranny, including the fact we had to fight them for independence, won on July 4, 1776. 
     The night the votes came in, November 2008, and President Obama became the first African American president, I cried with joy, just like Oprah and Jesse Jackson, who were there on TV in Chicago, with everyone else, and cheered the new president and the beautiful first family, as they took the stage, a touching moment in the history of America.
     Happy Fourth of July!    
          

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs/ My Thoughts on the Economy and How Could Things be Better?

     Have you been to Walmart lately.  Here in Horry County, it is now messy and understaffed.  A friend of mine, who is also visually impaired, went and asked for a greeter job, like they used to have elderly people do.  Disability for blind people is very little, and when you have a family, it is barely enough to get by.  You are allowed to work some, to supplement your income.  I have a friend in Charleston, South Carolina, who is totally blind, on disability, and is able to work for Verizon, in costumer service.  We met at the S.C.C.B., while I was finishing 'adjustment to blindness,' and he was taking the Jaws computer program, which enables the completely blind, to use computer, because it has a voice, electronic voice, as many computers have built in, but created specifically for the blind.  
     Back to Walmart, they told my friend they no longer hired greeters.  
     According to Congressman Rice, his slogan is 'jobs, jobs, jobs,' but where are these jobs?  Many people are still out of work.  He is in favor of these Russian kids coming over to Horry County and taking American citizens' jobs.  I know, because I was randomly, I suppose randomly, selected to participate in a town hall meeting via telephone.  Perhaps I was selected, because I have a land line, and am established, a long term resident and voter.
     Small businesses are the way to go, but
will they survive Obamacare?  I mean, if South Carolina ever passes the new health care, would it make it harder for small businesses to employ people, if they have to insure everyone?  I remember, back in the late seventies and early eighties, when I first started working, most places offered insurance plans.  I worked at Belk's in '86, with full benefits, but that was full time.  
     From what I have read about the hippie commune days, some people had to pay to join a commune, and the money would go into the house, farm, etc..  I suppose if someone was destitute, they could join for free.  I was too young to be a part of the hippie generation, even though some people think I am a hippie now.  However, I was never into free love, or drugs, not that everyone in a commune was either.  
     People complain about capitalism, but would they really like it if it were like the old Soviet Union, where people waited in line to buy one pair of shoes, that did not even fit, and then went around trying to trade them for ones that did?
     I guess the idea is to be pragmatic, and I think there is definitely a problem with the health care system, for many people, and I hope the new health care laws will be the answer.  
     Parnell Diggs, an attorney, public figure, who ran for Congress, as a Democrat, and happens to be blind, says on a Youtube video of an interview on TV, that when a blind person and a sighted person, with the same qualification, apply for a job, history has proven again and again, that the sighted person gets the job.  
     I was trying to purchase a Latin America calling card, at Bi-Lo, last spring, and I was trying to find an employee who could read Spanish, who could read me the instructions on the card.  There was not one bilingual person, working in that store.  I complained to the top manager, and he said they had one manager who knew Spanish, but I know the one he means, and he is not even Hispanic.  I asked him if they were discriminating against legal Hispanics.  Of course, he said, "oh no, we do not discriminate against anyone."  I do not believe him.  But, he was nice enough, so I am not going to bother about it.  Perhaps, not many Hispanics here, are legal, but the kids are, which is good, because they have to go to school.  I mean the ones born here, but the ones not born here have to go to school, as well, of course.  
     The thing about Mexicans, is that, most do not want to stay forever.  They really want to go home to Mexico, just want to earn some money first.  This is not always the case.  Also, things are so dire for them, that many die, who try to cross the border, because it is much longer than thought, and treacherous.  I know this from watching news about it.
     Now, the gun company is coming from Connecticut, which will bring some lousy paying jobs, probably.  We are up there with Texas in gun leniency laws, which is why it is coming here.  I have mixed feelings about guns.  I know that something is wrong with people easily getting assault weapons, and that does not make sense, but some say that the states with the strictest gun laws, are the states with the most gun violence.  I wanted to ask Congressman Rice, but they did not get to me, since he is who I learned about the gun factory coming from, what Congress intended to do to prevent gun violence.  They never got to my question, which I submitted to the secretary, who came on my line, during the call.  I know the answer, anyway.  It is nothing, just like Obama and Romney said, basically, in the debate.
      On the other hand, if poor people keep being kept down, and people cannot get jobs, they may end up needing those guns, to rise up against the government, which is very corrupt.  They give corporate welfare, and complain about someone buying junk food or lobster with food stamps.  So what.  What about all the stuff they do, bailing out huge corporations?  Does the little guy get a bail out?  Does the guy losing his house to foreclosure?  Does the single mother, raising children alone, on very little money, and barely enough to survive?  
     Some rich people sit in their ivory towers, with no knowledge or real understanding of what it is like to just survive.  Lucky for them.  
     Even rich kids, who protested Viet Nam, which was the most protested war ever, and well should have been, which went on about the same length technically, as Iraq, also an unjust war, I think, but even rich kids, back in the baby boomer era, whether Republican like Mitt Romney or liberal, like David Harris, who married Joan Baez, did not have to go to Viet Nam, because they had money and could go to college.  Of course, David Harris ended up, serving a prison sentence, another story.